We’re hurting, angry, and tired of the lies.
“You have to learn to forgive someone for an apology you never got. This is strength,” people say.
What a bullsh*tting society we have become. Why are we manipulating people, making them feel inferior and worthless if they acknowledge they are hurt? Doesn’t true strength lie in apologizing for your wrongs? Owning and acknowledging them? In taking the step to say, “I’m sorry for treating you badly?”
We have become so quick to cry “Bully!” at schools or on social media until that emotional bully is you…or I. Yet, we teach people that they don’t need to be held accountable for their actions. We point at the bully yet chastise the hurt.
By saying, “You need to forgive, no matter what,” we’re really saying, “What you feel is of no value. You don’t have the right to be hurt because you need to be kind.” Or “You are not worthy of an apology.”
Then there are those who come at us with, “You only see it that way because you’re an empath.” I find this statement ludicrous and narcissistic. We don’t need to be empaths to know if others’ behaviors are out of line or have been disrespectful or unkind.
We don’t really need a fancy name for decency, kindness, and humanity. We need to stop pretending that it’s okay to be treated badly—and maybe we’ll end up with a whole lot less pain and hurt in this world.
Let’s instead tell the truth.
Your feelings matter.
And don’t let anybody tell you differently. Time doesn’t “heal all”—love does.
And most importantly, an apology not given is one not received. And how we choose to deal with that is our prerogative.
I do hope you find it in you to see that as a reflection of them and not of you, and therefore find the courage to forgive, for you, but only if your heart is ready to do so.
I’m not advocating holding grudges and becoming bitter. I’m just standing for love, understanding, and truth. And the truth is we will forgive when our hearts have healed and wake up to find them no longer hurting.
You won’t forgive because quotes tell you that it’s a sign of “strength.” You won’t forgive when you don’t yet have the capacity in yourself to do so.
And, that’s okay.
~
Thank heavens you told the truth about forgiveness. I can’t stand the hypocrisy of people who tell you to forgive someone who hurt you deeply. Your feelings matter.
Reply