CoDA Weekly Reading

 

Change of State of Mind At one moment I feel like I have so much to say as a part of my story, and the very next moment I feel like swallowing all that I want to say in this digital footprint.

When I was young, I repeatedly felt worthless when any of my comrades had high achievements. Consequently, I surrounded myself with troubled people who could not make me jealous, thereby walking right into codependency. Now that I’ve gained better insight, I’d say to the young me, “it was never their responsibility to make you feel worthy enough, especially if it is by undercutting what they can do.” It is quite important to surround myself with people who can inspire me.

When I was young and had a dream brutally broken, I wanted to change my belief system into thinking all dreams are hallucinations that make you crazy. Now, I’d much rather say that dreams are the endpoints of my goals. If young me didn’t want to get hurt, the secret was to focus more on the path and less on where it leads. Every time I do this, achievements are built on a real, solid platform that helps me rise to bigger dreams.

When I was young and had a conflict, I used to have moments wherein all I thought was, “I must be really bad at communication. I got myself into a heated debate.” If the exact same situation gets repeated now, I remind myself that the one way to get better at communication is to do it a lot, as opposed to my childhood strategy of not doing any sort of socializing outside my comfort zone of two people.

When I was young and new to CoDA I would have started off this entry by saying that every day is like a key battle. But when I analyze the situation fearlessly, I know that the thing of the matter is that: Every day, I get some solid progress done! 

Deniz - 3/7/21