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Our view of the universe is largely determined by our experiences. It is when
we are caught off guard by the spontaneity of existence that we are most
likely to respond authentically, even when our feelings do not correspond
with others’. Events that arouse strong emotions in us or are surprising in
nature can be disquieting, for it is often in their aftermath that we
discover how profoundly our histories have shaped us. The reactions that
differ from our peers’ can be upsetting because they force us to confront the
uniqueness of our lives.
When this happens, we may feel driven to dismiss our feelings as irrational
or incorrect. But reactions themselves are neither right nor wrong. The
forces that sculpted our development are not the same forces that shaped the
development of our relatives, friends, colleagues, or neighbors. There is no
reason to believe that one person's reaction to a particular event is somehow
more valid than another's. How we respond to the constant changes taking
place in the world around us is a product of our history, a testament to our
individuality, and a part of the healing process that allows us to address
our past in a context we can grasp in the present.
Life's pivotal events can provide you with a way to define yourself as a unique
and matchless being, but you must put aside the judgments that might
otherwise prevent you from gaining insight into your distinct way of
interpreting the world. Try to recognize your feelings without categorizing
or evaluating them. When you feel unsure of the legitimacy of your reactions,
remember that cultural, sociological, spiritual, and familial differences can
cause two people to interpret a single event in widely dissimilar ways.
Examining your responses can show you that your emotional complexity is
something to be valued, because it has made you who you are today.
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