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Some people seem called to help others, often from early on in their
childhoods, responding to the needs of family members, strangers, or animals
with a selflessness that is impressive. While these people can appear to have
very few needs of their own and focus on rescuing, helping, and healing
others, there are few people who are truly able to sustain this completely
giving lifestyle. The vast majority has needs that lie beneath the surface,
unmet. In these cases, their motivation to help others may be in service to a
deep desire to heal a wounded part of themselves for the kind of love and
attention they give to those around them on a daily basis. For any number of
reasons, they are unable to give themselves the love they need, so they give
it to others. This does not mean that they are not meant to be helping
others, but it does mean that they would do well to turn some of that helping
energy within.
One problem with the constant caregiver is that the individual can get stuck
in the role, always living in crisis mode at the expense of inner peace and
personal growth. Until the person resolves their own inner dramas, they play
them out in their relationships with others, drawn to those who need them and
often unable to acknowledge their own needs or get them met. In the
worst-case scenario, they enable the other person’s dilemma by not knowing
when to stop playing the rescuer and allow the person to figure it out on
their own. However, if the rescuer finds the strength to turn within and face
their own needs, they can become a model of empowerment and a true source of
healing in the world.
Some signs that you or someone you love may need to rescue the rescuer within
are inner burnout from overgiving, underlying resentment, an inability to
admit to having needs of one’s own, and an unwillingness to be vulnerable.
Help comes when we allow ourselves to admit we need it, acknowledging our
humanity and our wholeness by acknowledging our pain. The understanding we
gain in the process will naturally inform and inspire our ability to help
those in need to do the same.
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