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Most of us come to a point in our lives when we question why we are doing
what we are doing, and many of us realize that we may be living our lives in
an effort to make our parents happy. This realization can dawn when we are in
our twenties, our forties, or even later, depending on how tight a hold our
family of origin has on our psyche. We may feel shocked or depressed by this
information, but we can trust that it is coming to us at this time because we
are ready to find out what it would mean to live our lives for ourselves by
following the call of our own soul and refusing to be beholden to someone
else’s expectations.
One of the most common reasons we are so tied into making our parents, or
others, happy is that we were not properly nurtured when we were children. We
were not honored as individuals in our own right, with a will and purpose of
our own. As a result, we learned to look outside of ourselves for approval,
support, and direction, rather than within. The good news is that the part of
us that was not adequately nurtured is still there, inside us, like a seed
that has not yet received the sunlight and moisture it needs to open and to
allow its inner contents to unfurl. It is never too late to provide ourselves
with what we need.
There are many ways to create a safe container for ourselves so that we can
turn within and shine the light of awareness there. We may join a support
group, go to therapy, or start a practice of journaling. This experience of
becoming is well worth the difficult work that may be required. In whatever
process we choose, we may feel worse before we feel better, but we will
ultimately find out how to live our lives for ourselves and how to make
ourselves happy.
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