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We all
encounter obligations in life, from spending time with family and friends to
being present at important functions in the lives of the people who form our
community. Many times, the obligations are actually fun and fulfilling, and
we want to be there. At the same time, we all sometimes experience resistance
to meeting these obligations, especially when they pile up all at once and we
begin to feel exhausted, longing for nothing so much as a quiet evening at
home. At times like these, we may want to say no but feel too guilty at the
idea of not being there. Still, our primary obligation is to take care of
ourselves, and if saying no to someone else is what we have to do, then we do
not need to feel bad about it.
There is a skill to balancing our obligations, and it starts with simply
becoming aware of our schedule. We may notice that three invitations have
arisen in one weekend, and we know that we will pay energetically if we
attempt to fulfill all three. At this point, we can take the time to weigh the
repercussions of not going to each event, considering how we will feel if we
miss it and how our absence might affect other people. Most of the time, it
will be clear which obligation we can most easily let go and which one we
simply can’t miss. Sometimes we have to miss something really important to
us, and that can be painful for everyone concerned. At times like this,
reaching out with a phone call, a thoughtful card, or a gift lets people know
that you are there in spirit and that your absence is by no means a result of
you not caring.
Meeting our obligations to others is an important part of being human and not
one to take lightly. At the same time, we cannot meet every obligation
without neglecting our primary duty to take care of ourselves. We can navigate
this quandary by being conscious of what we choose to do and not do and by
finding concrete ways to extend our caring when we are not able to be there
in person.
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