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The moment you realize you no longer give a f*ck is the same moment that you realize you have made it over the bridge.
What is the bridge you ask? It’s a vision I have always had, thanks to a close friend of mine.
The healing bridge, as I like to envision it is this: once you finally cross it and leave all the trauma behind, it is then that you have reached a high level of peace.
Maybe its age. I did turn 50 this year, and although I still feel like a 23-year-old most days, the truth is I truly realize how much time I don’t have left. I made a promise to myself that I am not going to waste one more second on sh*t that just doesn’t matter.
I spent years agonizing over what people thought of me, living in regret, living in the past, worrying about the future, and wishing I was this or that. What a huge waste of valuable time that I will never get back.
The funny thing is that I don’t even have to try. I don’t have to think about it. It just has come naturally, again, with age, and I really just don’t give a f*ck about any of those things anymore. Worrying, regretting, shaming myself adds no value to my life.
That being said, here is what I have learned.
1. What people think does not matter.
Whatever you do, say, think, or feel has nothing to do with anyone else, so why waste time worrying, even for a second about what people might think? (Disclaimer: certain circumstances do warrant us to care, like our children, spouses, and soon. I get it, but I mean strangers, coworkers, people who have no investment in you or your life.)
2. People are more concerned about themselves than they are about you.
Yes, that is reality. Everyone is walking around worried about what people think of them; they are not really thinking of you. Cool concept, right? I remember my mom wanting to take me to K-Mart as a young child, and I would tell my mom, “No way, what if someone sees me there?” and her response was always the same, “Then they are there too.” Right, I get it.
3. People come, and people go.
You love some, some you don’t. It’s reality. We cling so hard to things, thinking they need to stay and if they don’t, we will just die. Wrong. Let them go. If they want to go, they need to go. Never ever beg someone to be in your life. They no longer belong there.
4. Regret is a shame.
Never spend time regretting anything because you can’t change it. No matter how much you regret, it remains, and it taught you something. Yes, it did.
5. You have heard it a million times, “Don’t look in your rearview mirror.” There is nothing there.
It’s true. You cannot go back to your past and relive the fond memories that you are thinking about. They are gone. It’s time to make new ones. When you live in the past, you are missing the present, and remember, you can never get that wasted time back.
6. Worrying about what hasn’t happened yet is probably the biggest time waster ever.
Why worry about something that may never come. Focus on the actual moment. Not the one that hasn’t even happened yet. You will never get that moment back, the one you wasted thinking about the future. Most of the time, the things we worry about never happen, and how many times have you thought back and said, “Wow, what was I worried about?” Yep, too many times. So, stop.
Although I am 50 years old and things feel a little different physically and mentally, I really am enjoying this period of life. It’s like an emotional freedom takes over and you feel so free. Free to be yourself, free to love who you want to love, wear what you want to wear, and just be what you want to be without the constant companion of worry and regret.
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AUTHOR: AVESHA PARKER
IMAGE: JULIKA.ILLUSTRATION/INSTAGRAM
EDITOR-AT-LARGE: JANIS STANTON
EDITOR: LISA ERICKSON
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