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Frustration is inevitable.
I was speaking with my dear friend Matt last week about our shared parenting experiences. Myself with my puppy, he with his young daughter. Having a puppy can be frustrating—how often my schedule is disrupted by this little wild animal. I asked him if it was ever difficult, constantly surrendering to the chaos of his little one. His response melted my heart.“No, because I realize that whatever she brings into my life is way better than whatever it is I had planned.”
If everything went as we expected, life would be boring and predictable. Just like Matt’s little girl disrupting his plans, life serves us frustration to open us up to something greater. Loosening expectations lets the beauty of life in.
Frustration is energy for transformation.
Frustration happens when we experience resistance between us and a goal. Things take longer than we’d like. We get interrupted more than we like. Other people don’t behave like we want them to. It’s friction, and friction is energy.
The question is, what will we do with it?
Will you respond as a victim or a creator?
When we fight it, we are its victims. But if we welcome it, we can create something new.
As adults, we’re largely running on autopilot. The bulk of our thoughts, actions, and feelings are largely memorized patterns within our nervous system. Most of what we experience is just the reflection of bound stress patterns. Every time we acknowledge and release one of these stress patterns, that energy returns to us and we experience greater health and freedom.
Frustration is an opportunity to do just that. Life rubs up against us and says “Do you want to be right, or do you want to be free?”
Our friend, frustration, invites us to reorient the current situation towards our higher goals in life and reshape our neurology for greater possibility, clarity and purpose.
The Gateway to Neuroplasticity
Frustration creates the perfect conditions for our brains to reshape themselves.
There’s attention (acetylcholine) plus arousal (epinephrine) in relationship to a goal (dopamine). If we react to the situation with blame, shame, and double down on anger, we are strengthening those pathways in our brain and our life. We’re saying “Yes! I want to be a frustrated person!”
But if we step back, and say “Wow! There’s frustration. Interesting!” all that energy that we were putting towards blaming the situation, others, or ourselves comes back to us. We’re rewiring our nervous system for flexibility, creativity, and an openness to receive the wonder of life. That victory is far greater than the inconvenience of softening your plans.
We have to get frustrated.
If you’re never frustrated, you’re not being challenged. And if you’re not being challenged, then you’re asleep.
Frustration isn’t your enemy. It’s a playful child that’s asking you to surrender your plans and receive something far greater.
~
For a deep dive, here’s Huberman on the topic of neuroplasticity.
author: Kent Drever, DC
Image: Personal Image of Kent Drever, DC
Editor: Molly Murphy
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