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Modern dating isn’t for the faint of heart.
Whether I’m sitting across from a client or texting with a friend, the stories I hear about today’s dating world often sound more like battlefield reports than romantic encounters.
Between ghosting, breadcrumbing, emotional unavailability, and situationships, it’s enough to make anyone want to delete the dating apps, retreat into solitude, and swear off love for good.
As both a therapist and a single woman dating in this digital age, I’ve seen it all—professionally and personally. What I’ve come to realize is this:
Modern dating isn’t broken because people aren’t interested in finding connection and love, but because we are scared of being our true authentic selves.
We live in an era where authenticity has been replaced with performance. Standards have been swapped out for strategy. Many of us approach dating like a social media campaign, adding carefully curated photos, overanalyzed texts, and an ever-present fear of appearing “too much” or “not enough.” Dating books, articles, and influencers tell us to play it cool, not get attached, wait three hours (or days) to reply.
A lot of people are playing games, not building relationships. And it’s exhausting!
In past generations, dating had clearer social scripts. There were rituals, expectations, and cultural norms to follow. Today, we’re navigating a shifting landscape with no compass. The rise of the Me Too movement, evolving gender roles, and modern feminism, and the “soft girl” era have left many—especially men—wondering what role they’re supposed to play.
Do I pay the bill, or will that offend her?
Do I open the door, or is that patronizing?
Do I talk about my feelings, or will that make me seem weak?
No one seems to know anymore. And so, many people retreat behind emotional armor, unsure how to show up without being misunderstood or rejected. We all seem to be lacking in clarity, truth, intentions, and authenticity. Instead of seeking genuine connection, people are showing up to play a game—and like in any game, someone gets played.
So, how do we shift this?
It starts by ditching the “strategy sessions” with your friends and putting down the books that frame dating in terms of game play. It’s time to embrace a new approach rooted in vulnerability, authenticity, and human connection. Less “how to text like a cool girl,” more “does this relationship make me feel safe and supported.”
We need to re-learn how to date as humans, not avatars from curated online profiles. That means:
>> Showing up as our real selves, not our filtered selves.
>> Having conversations on relationship wants, needs, and expectations, even when it’s uncomfortable.
>> Making space for both masculine and feminine energies to emerge and find harmony.
>> Prioritizing emotional safety and communication, not just physical attraction and desire.
Dating should feel like discovering gold, not dodging landmines. But that requires a cultural shift from competition to connection, and from fear to presence.
The shift starts with us.
Let’s stop treating love like a game and start treating it like the sacred, messy, transformative journey it was always meant to be. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned, both as a therapist and a woman still brave enough to believe in love, it’s that the real magic happens when we stop performing, and start being real.
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