Learning to Love Myself
I grew up in a dysfunctional family with two parents and three siblings. Two sisters and one brother. I was the middle child, and the scapegoat in the family. My mother was emotionally unavailable and emotionally detached. It was hard for her to show empathy, and she was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me. I could never do anything to please her therefore I was frequently yelled at and berated for not meeting her expectations. My father was working most of the time.
I never felt loved or accepted, and I always had this nagging feeling that something was wrong with me deep inside. As a result, I grew up looking for love and acceptance from other people, which led me to attract toxic people into my life, especially romantic partners. It wasn’t until my last failed marriage which had me questioning for the first time, why do I keep attracting toxic people? For the first time my attention or focus was turned to me instead of on someone else. I started searching for answers.
The therapist I met online directed me to CoDA, and I made my first meeting in July 2019. I finally felt like I was home. I immediately connected with the other fellow travelers sharing their experience, strength and hope. I took their suggestions to make 90 meetings in 90 days, to give myself a break. To find a sponsor or another fellow traveler to work the steps, and to get higher power which is a power greater than yourself. To get telephone numbers for outreach calls between meetings, and to keep coming back.
Today, I no longer look for love and acceptance from other people. CoDA has taught me how to love and accept myself. Today, I can accept the love from my higher power who I choose to call God. I’m not in a romantic relationship today because I’m learning how to have a healthy relationship with myself for once. It works, if you work on it and I am worth it. Thanks for allowing me to share my story with you.
Michele C.
June 13, 2026
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