Dating is easy and natural—unless it isn’t.
Once we’re stuck, there are thousands of tips waiting.
But when something in us sabotages, no amount of tips will help. We almost start to believe dating is hard and should take long.
I say dating should be romantic, magical, and with a happy end in sight.
Here are five shifts that I recommend to others to help them find their soulmate. This is for women wanting a long-term relationship or marriage, who are clear that the way they’re dating now isn’t working.
1. Stop wasting time talking to the wrong ones.
A soulmate isn’t just the person we’re married to, or the person we’re intimate with; he’s our best friend. Someone who sees us, knows us, is there for us, and feels like a warm, safe, and inspiring place to be. If our dates are not decent men, stable, inspiring, or on our level emotionally, mentally, and career-wise, then what are we doing there?
If our dates are boring, humiliating, or draining, we shouldn’t be allowing that in our life. Wouldn’t you prefer to meet great men who inspire you, see you, and you can imagine yourself sharing your life with?
You’re not alone. Millions of women are stuck in dating, spending way too much time on apps, and it’s taking us down in all areas of our life. Besides, when will we finally have time for our friends again? Finding a better way begins with facing that what we’re doing now isn’t working. So stop doing it.
2. Find out what sisters are doing now that works.
Not everyone is stuck, and there are women who are taking advantage of shifting gender roles—and bringing home amazing, conscious men.
I ask that my clients take two weeks off dating:
>> Week 1: soulful inner work and practice with intimate friends that leaves them brimming with love, clarity, and confidence.
>> Week 2: taking off the glasses of gloom and looking at men with fresh eyes; they are pretty amazing beings, after all. Then learning new, authentic ways to instantly create connection with a man—whether he’s eligible or not.
>> Week 2: taking off the glasses of gloom and looking at men with fresh eyes; they are pretty amazing beings, after all. Then learning new, authentic ways to instantly create connection with a man—whether he’s eligible or not.
Then, and only then, do they write their dating profile, and all that new vibrancy, love, and abundance will be shooting off the screen, making them irresistible and signaling to the algorithms to start sending the top guys to her (instead of to anyone else). The actual romance and excitement of dating can finally begin.
3. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel.
Dating has its own logic, and once we see it, we understand the easy-to-avoid mistakes we have been making all the time.
Relationships are changing, women are more free, men more in their hearts. We sense we can expect more from a relationship than ever before—but nobody taught us how to get there.
My clients held out on the okay relationship to find the extraordinary love, and, at some point, they decided to follow a proven system and get a top-class mentor. Whether it’s work, sports, or love, reinventing the wheel always puts us at the losing end.
The first thing I realized is that all the frustration we experience in dating—from never even attracting a great guy, to not finding a man ready to commit, and everything in between—comes down to blocking the journey from stranger to soulmate.
Seeing that, I understood I needed to get crystal clear on what exactly will keep the dating journey moving forward—and that turned out to be something different for each part of the journey:
>> Stranger —> First Date: To go from strangers to having great men appear on our dates—that is the first part of the dating journey. We need to free our natural power of attraction.
>> First Date —> More Dates: To not have men ghost before we even meet—or after the first date—we need something else: the power to ignite soul connection—or, rather, to hold a space where souls can touch. The magic of souls is irresistible, and everyone wants more. A beautiful, ancient feminine art indeed.
>> Dates —> Exclusive: But if we find men think that we’re replaceable, what we need to work on is bonding from the heart. Develop that deep-as-the-ocean love—and allow ourselves to be embraced by it. Great side effect: once we start involving the heart more, the heart can help decide between the “creepers” and the “keepers” (my mind was never good at that).
>> Exclusive —> Commitment: And if we think then the deal is sealed, we’re mistaken. For commitment to happen, both of us need to feel there’s a foundation for a happy future—and building that foundation is the last step. This foundation will truly be a foundation for life, and whatever challenge life throws at us, now or in the future, we and our partner are inseparable.
>> First Date —> More Dates: To not have men ghost before we even meet—or after the first date—we need something else: the power to ignite soul connection—or, rather, to hold a space where souls can touch. The magic of souls is irresistible, and everyone wants more. A beautiful, ancient feminine art indeed.
>> Dates —> Exclusive: But if we find men think that we’re replaceable, what we need to work on is bonding from the heart. Develop that deep-as-the-ocean love—and allow ourselves to be embraced by it. Great side effect: once we start involving the heart more, the heart can help decide between the “creepers” and the “keepers” (my mind was never good at that).
>> Exclusive —> Commitment: And if we think then the deal is sealed, we’re mistaken. For commitment to happen, both of us need to feel there’s a foundation for a happy future—and building that foundation is the last step. This foundation will truly be a foundation for life, and whatever challenge life throws at us, now or in the future, we and our partner are inseparable.
As we allow ourselves to learn and lean into this proven system, we find we can focus on receiving his attentions, expressing ourselves and our love more fully, and being met emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
4. Trust the system.
I know, I know, it shouldn’t be necessary to name this separately. But the thing is, even if we’re getting all the signals our dating isn’t working, even as we learn a new system and see it working for others, we tend to be stubborn and stick to what we always did. Being willing to let that go and risk showing up more authentically, more vulnerably, yet more powerfully—that’s what attracts him and keeps him in like nothing else. This system brings the magic and romance back to dating and our lives.
5. Get a mentor.
There have always been love and dating mentors (think the old woman at the edge of the village). We invest hugely in education, trainings, and mentors for our career and fitness, and it’s high time we start doing that in love too (there’s nothing as costly emotionally and financially as being stuck in love). Experts are here to help us. Love asks us to show up next level, and nobody does that alone.
Your Turn
Now we know what is working for our sisters who come home with the best guys.
That brings a choice: keep doing what we always did and get the same results. Or, start learning more about this simple system and see our lives unfolding the way we always wanted.
Love is here for us to catch hold of, as one of my clients so beautifully said.
Or, in the words of another, see possibilities, not problems.
Love is here—and now it’s your turn.
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AUTHOR: KLARA ADALENA
IMAGE: QUAID LAGAN / UNSPLASH
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