by
Madisyn Taylor
As we begin to truly understand that the world outside of us is
a reflection of the world inside of us, we may feel confused about who is to
blame for the problems in our lives. If we had a difficult childhood, we may
wonder how we can take responsibility for that, and in our current
relationships, the same question arises. We all know that blaming others is
the opposite of taking responsibility, but we may not understand how to take
responsibility for things that we don't truly feel responsible for. We may
blame our parents for our low self-esteem, and we may blame our current
partner for exacerbating it with their unconscious behavior. Objectively,
this seems to make sense. After all, it is not our fault if our parents were
irresponsible or unkind, and we are not to blame for our partner's bad
behavior.
Perhaps the problem lies with the activity of blaming. Whether we blame
others or blame ourselves, there is something aggressive and unkind about it.
It sets up a situation in which it becomes difficult to move forward under
the burdensome feelings of shame and guilt that arise. It also puts the
resolution of our pain in the hands of someone other than us. Ultimately, we
cannot insist that someone else take responsibility for their actions; only
they can make that choice when they are ready. In the meantime, if we want to
move forward with our lives instead of waiting around for something that may
or may not happen, we begin to see the wisdom of taking the situation into
our own hands.
We do this by forgiving our parents, even if they have not asked for our
forgiveness, so that we can be free. We end the abusive relationship with our
partner, who may never admit to any wrongdoing, because we are willing to
take responsibility for how we are treated. In short, we love ourselves as we
want to be loved and create the life we know we deserve. We leave the
resolution of the wrongs committed against us in the hands of the universe,
releasing ourselves to live a life free of blame.
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