Each one of us has experienced situations where we've found
ourselves lashing out at someone without meaning to. We later berate
ourselves for losing control and feel guilty for treating the other person
badly. And while it is human nature that our emotions and moods will get the
better of us from time to time, we can learn to navigate our feelings and
negotiate difficult situations without losing our center.
Often, when we lash out, it is because we are having a difficult time
containing the emotions that are coming up inside of us. We may be feeling
overwhelmed, afraid, frustrated, stressed out, or angry. Having these
feelings boiling up inside of us can be very uncomfortable, and it is natural
to want to release them. But when we release our feelings from our body by
directing them outward and toward someone else, they inevitably impact the
"innocent bystander" to whom we are directing this
energy. They not only get the brunt of our anger, frustration, or
stress, but also they can actually experience this energy as a physical force
hitting their bodies.
When you find yourself in a situation where you are about to lash out at the
person in front of you, try to center yourself by breathing slowly and
deeply. A few slow inhales and exhales can help dissipate the intensity of
your feelings before they escape you. Later, when you find yourself in a more
reflective state, sit down for a moment; recall the feelings in your body
just before and during your outburst; note where you feel sensations coming
up in your body; and ask yourself if they are connected to any core issue or
experience from your life. If nothing comes to mind, then revisit the
situation again, exaggerating the details of what happened by indulging in
outlandish "what if" fantasies. Exaggerating events after the fact
can help expose the unconscious subtext behind your heated response.
Understanding the motivation behind your reactions can help you avoid lashing
out again when a similar situation comes up. In learning to navigate around
your emotions, you are giving yourself the tools to feel better the next time
your emotions start to boil. In doing so, you will be taking care of yourself
by alleviating your own uncomfortable feelings while respecting and
protecting those around you.
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