In this article, I’m not going to give you practical processes to help you simply get on with your life. For a very good reason, because they simply don’t work. Rather, I’m going to help you get free from the inside, because that is where your true recovery lies.
Narcissistic abuse is a spiritual Soul phenomenon, and it’s very true that there are deep emotional trauma cords that keep you connected even decades after separating, unless you work at releasing them. So let’s look at how to do that.
Step Number One – Dealing With The Anguish Of The Trauma
It’s incredibly difficult to assimilate what a narcissist has done to you because it’s inhumane and it is so, so painful. The things that narcissists do don’t make sense. The more we try to work it out, the more disturbed and confused we become. It’s unfathomable and it’s so illogical and there’s no way to get closure and peace around it.
One of the greatest disturbances is that this person, may have professed to love you and care about you yet their actions were barbaric, senseless and cruel. Many people don’t cut the cords because they’re trapped in the obsession of what happened. What could have or should have happened or what they could have done differently. These thoughts go over and over and over again in their minds without resolution.
Now, what happens with that is that it keeps you attached. And it means that you’re getting sicker and sicker with your energy tied up in this epic struggle to try to get some mental peace around this.
The true solution is to let go of the energetic trauma within you of what happened to you. This is a starting point of cutting the cords. So that space can come within you – the space of relief, the space of letting it go, the space of better things to come and healing to open up so that you can breathe. That way, other thoughts and feelings can begin to arise from within you.
I really want to suggest to those of you that are working with NARP, Module One is the go-to for this. Module One is all about Releasing The Immediate Pain And Feelings Of Loss. That’s the first step in your healing.
Step Number Two – Regaining Yourself
Specifically for this reason, regaining yourself after being narcissistically abused is so important because you’ve lost yourself. Your Soul and Life Force have been sucked out of you, which means that your self-confidence and your self-esteem have been shredded and everything that you thought was your life has disintegrated and has pretty much been torn away from you.
Narcissists are like insatiable black holes who believe that they’re entitled to all of what is yours, and the people and things that were dear to you are usually under threat as well. Narcissists are masterful in ensnaring your Soul and making you believe that you need them and that you can’t make it without them. Regardless of how much they take from you, that’s how they’re going to make you feel – that you need them.
It doesn’t matter whether or not you feel hooked into the narcissist because they are holding your stuff over you and you are programmed to believe that you need their love and their approval and their security to survive. These are very, very powerful, energetic cords.
The more you are hooked into the narcissist, trying to get them to give you your Soul back or your stuff back, or to step up and be a source of love, safety and happiness, the more this False Self is going to keep extracting your energy, your resources, your Life Force and your Soul.
There’s only one solution to cutting these insidious and abusive cords, which is to let go of trying to make them be a Source that’s either going to repair the damage that they’ve done, or step up and be a True Source. Let go and turn inwards to heal, becoming a Source to yourself.
This is achieved by releasing those energetic emotional ties that are making your Soul and life feel dependent on the narcissist. And by reversing the program of that False Source that you’ve been attached to, to be able to connect to True Source, which is your higher power – it’s Life Force, it’s wellbeing. It’s that invisible force that’s running through everything.
That’s where you can gain access to unlimited love, approval and security from healthy sources. Then the narcissist’s hold on you, with how they’ve been treating you, abusing you or holding things over you, all dissolves. That equals taking your power back.
Module Two of NARP is the go-to for that. Module Two is about Releasing The Illusion Of This Person As Your Source Of Self. It reverses all of that and puts you back in your power, which maybe until this point, you’ve never been able to actually connect to.
Step Number Three – Forgiving Yourself
It’s such a shock when you realize that you’ve been taken in by a narcissist. Of course there is so much grief, shame, despair, and regret for what you put yourself through and those that you love. It’s so normal to think that you will never make up the years, the security, the money, the love, the efforts that you’ve thrown away into the deep black hole that is the narcissist. Especially when you end up emptied out and discarded like yesterday’s trash.
In my own personal experience, and as a result of helping thousands of people make full Thriver recoveries from narcissists, I know that one of the greatest barriers to not being able to get free is not forgiving yourself. That’s why I’m such a fan of the deep inner Soul work, the Quantum healing work. Because the mind’s limitations are so crippling when it comes to reconciling the loss of the things that we thought were our identity.
Things like losing years, or our looks or our money or people and things dear to us. Or the life that we thought was meant to be our life. Logically, and from our own personality level, we believe that this means life can never be the same again, or it’s too late for us now.
Yet, at the higher level, this is not the truth at all. When you do the inner work on letting go of everything that hurts about this and you stop beating yourself up for what happened – space opens up inside and what enters is the higher wider truth of the Soul contract that just took place.
This is the powerful evolution of letting go of your dependencies and the handing of your power away to False Selves and outer authorities. And instead, finally being able to come home to the truth and power and sovereignty of your own Soul. This is where you know that as brutal as what you went through was, this was an incredible Soul contract that ultimately led you home to honouring, loving and accepting yourself and making right your relationship with your Creator and then resetting your life from that place.
Forgiveness is not a head level task. It’s a deep inner shift, away from the victimized trauma of, “What I went through was some sick mistake,” to “Everything that has happened, has happened FOR me and not TO me,” and the growth that comes from this understanding.
I love the shift that occurs for people when they go through this process, as much as it freed me.
Module Three in NARP is Forgive Yourself In Life For What You’ve Been Through. This is where you get free from that stuff. As well as the Quanta Freedom Healing Module included in NARP for this, there’s also an extensive workbook to help you process this very important stage.
Step Number Four – Releasing The Need For Accountability
It’s very usual to want to hold somebody accountable for what they did to you. Yet it’s not helpful at all in regard to untethering from the abuse and setting your Soul free. This is the reason why, when we need something to change outside of ourselves, for something to change on the inside, you’ve handed your power away. It means that you are not free to live and create unconditionally.
The miracle I’ve seen over and over again is when people have done the inner work on that cord of needing something from or to happen to the narcissist in order to get closure, rather when it just gets organically released inside instead – this is often when the narcissist is held to account. And this happens, ironically when there is no need for them to be held to account in order for you to move on.
This is a grand dichotomy of energetic Quantum Life Force. If you need something to happen in order to feel whole and complete now, then you’re only going to get more of the neediness of that, of needing it and wanting it. Yet if you do the work on letting go of what you need and come home to feeling whole and complete unconditionally, then more of what pleases you will naturally organically fall into place.
Module Four in NARP, which is Release And Heal The Pain Of Injustice And Betrayal and Module Five, which is Let Go Of The Fight To Win And Your Own Need For Justice often leads people organically to justice and wins against narcissists powerfully and directly.
Step Number Five – Letting Go Of Feeling Sorry Or Responsible For The Narcissist
You may feel sorry for the narcissist or hooked in to looking out for or after them, no matter how badly this person is treating you. This is a common and very big impediment in the way of getting free for a lot of people and not being able to move on and not being able to disengage your Soul from abuse.
Narcissists are incredibly good at working out what is your vulnerable emotional spot to keep you hooked in. Naturally, this could be your good nature and your compassionate feelings. It could also be the feelings of obligation for an elderly parent or a family member or your child. Maybe you have a deep and powerful tie within you, making you feel like it’s your sole responsibility to fix and heal your love partner or spouse, and that you are the only person who understands them or who can do it.
I promise you with all of my heart, that when you do the inner work on these powerful, energetic connections and release them, it’s like waking up out of a trance and coming home to the truth – it’s impossible to heal and fix people who are not taking responsibility for themselves. You only drown as they pull you underwater and you don’t ever offer them an opportunity to step up and stop their abusive behaviour by you saying no.
Rather, you’re enabling them to behave the way they do and you’re also diminishing your health and your Life Force, which means you are not going to be able to contribute to life and loved ones in meaningful ways.
Module Six in NARP is Release And Heal The Need To Take Responsibility For The Narcissist. This inner work allows you to lay boundaries and even go No Contact. If that is what it takes for you to gain your Soul back with no residue or guilt.
Step Number Six – Feeling Free Of What The Narcissist May Do Next
What is so predictable about narcissists is how unpredictable they are. When a relationship ends with a narcissist, you are more than likely in for the most difficult time of your life. This person may maliciously smear you, attack you by proxy, threaten and stalk you or betray you to your close friends and loved ones.
Or the narcissist may profess to apologize, seek help, and attempt to love bomb you back into the relationship or feint helplessness and try to control you again with you feeling sorry for them, or throw new supply in your face to punish you or go missing and silent … or work through the list of all of the above.
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people get sucker punched, not just by the narcissistic behaviours, but also by the terrible things they discover about the narcissist when other people come forward. About affairs, criminal behaviours, and the list goes on and on.
Then to add on top of all of this, often there’s the trying to disentangle property and belongings, custody arrangements, and even enmeshed businesses and loans, all with a person who doesn’t want to cooperate or play fair.
If you don’t have a way to stop trying to second guess what is happening and what the outcomes will be, you will be stuck in PTSD, as well as being toxically, emotionally connected to the narcissist. You are going to be so much more effective in dealing with all of this, if you can get at peace and connected to your powerful core in the now, regardless of what the narcissist is or isn’t doing.
Module Eight of NARP which is Release And Heal The Fear Of The Narcissist And What He Or She May Do Next, has been used successfully by thousands of NARP members worldwide, to stay centered in their power, render the narcissist powerless against them and also regularly win court cases and settlements.
Because the narcissist no longer has power over them and that’s when they crumble.
In Conclusion
I really hope today has been helpful in giving you six powerful ways to cut the cords and release yourself and take your power back.
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