We don’t people please out of selflessness
Kindness
Compassion
Or goodwill.
We lie to ourselves when we say that it hurts us more to hurt others
Than to deny ourselves.
That’s a lie.
A subtle, cunning, deceptive act of
Deception.
Self-deception.
An act of unconscious manipulation.
There’s a self-serving reason
For why we want others to be happy
And pleased.
We want to make others happy and pleased,
So they’re happy and pleased—
With us.
So they like us.
Accept us.
Appreciate us.
Won’t judge, reject, abandon,
Or leave
Us.
The deepest truth of people pleasing lies
In understanding
That we don’t do it to be kind,
But rather to have some felt need within us met.
It’s a distorted, deceptive, delusive
Attempt
To feel safe and secure.
This doesn’t mean we’re bad
Or that it stems from malice.
Rather,
It’s a misguided act
That is deeply rooted
In pain
And fear.
But in seeking to not be discarded,
We discard ourselves.
This is a truth that is hard to digest.
Painful to feel
And understand.
But it must be deeply felt
And understood.
We can never do good by anyone in this world
By denying
Or being untrue to ourselves.
This understanding is an evolving unfolding.
A deeply conditioned,
Unconscious pattern
That takes time to unravel
And unfurl.
It takes kindness,
Gentleness
And self-compassion.
A radical willingness to be honest
Observant
And listen.
It’s painful to see all the ways we unknowingly
Denied and abandoned ourselves.
But we need to see it
Feel it
And understand it.
This behavior is rooted
In pain and fear.
It’s a misguided attempt
To have some need of ours met.
It’s a deluded
Distorted
Perception
Because through the perpetuation
Of this action
We further disintegrate
Our relationship with ourselves—
And others.
This must be understood.
We have to be true to ourselves.
The best thing we can do, always,
Is to be true to ourselves.
~
AUTHOR: LISA ERICKSON
IMAGE: SAYDUNG89/PIXABAY
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