This morning, I woke up with a feeling of not-enoughness.
I rolled out of bed, glanced at my bloated belly, flared-up skin, and scraggly hair, and I cringed. I literally cringed at myself. How sad.
I immediately caught myself and realized how ridiculous I was being. I looked down at my belly, rubbed her with love, and said thank you. I laughed it off and moved on.
In the past, it was never that easy for me. Following my morning cringe, I would “should” all over my sweet self. I should work out extra hard today; I should eat less today; I should wear a big ol’ sweatshirt so no one sees my body today.
My brainwashed mind used to be so focused on what other people thought of me that I forgot to care about what I thought of me. I dimmed my own spirit by not listening to what I truly wanted. I didn’t want to work out “extra hard.” I definitely didn’t want to eat less. And, heck, I probably would have rather been naked.
But I didn’t care about what I wanted. I cared about what other people wanted for me. (Well, I cared about what I thought other people wanted for me.)
Eventually, I found yoga. And no, yoga didn’t save me, but it did become a prominent tool in my life that taught me how to get the heck out of my mind and into my body—because, really, I believe that was all I needed.
So, this morning, after I unconsciously cringed at my perfectly normal (and actually quite beautiful) “flaws,” I rolled out my mat, flipped open my computer, and put on a yoga class led by Jennifer Pastiloff.
And just one minute into the class, Jen pieced together a perfectly imperfect manifesto that reminded me to stop giving a f*ck what other people thought of me and truly start believing in myself:
“Follow no one out of obligation. On social media or in real life.
Wear what you want.
Do what makes you happy without harming others.
Do what you say you’re going to do.
Stop over-apologizing, but for the love of coffee, say you’re sorry if you hurt someone or did something that requires apologizing.
Don’t apologize for who you are or for using your voice.
Read what you want to read rather than what you think you should read. Should is an asshole.
Be honest. Be kind. Don’t take advantage of others’ kindnesses.
Make up your own rules.
Don’t listen to the naysayers. There will be plenty.
Don’t wallow in your own suckery.
Do good things because you want to—not so people will see how nice you are.
Believe in yourself or don’t. I would.
Surround yourself with people who believe in you.
I believe in you.
Don’t worry so much. It gives you warts. Not really, but it does nothing good.
Dance or bop your head or sing but do something, anything, that puts rhythm in your body and reminds you: hey! I’m alive!
Don’t forget you are alive. You are not dead. Wake up.
Forget guilt. Bury that crap in the yard. It stinks.
Be the person you want to be when you think of the very best, most fantastic, lovely, and amazing version of you!
You already are, but maybe you forgot because you’ve been beaten down or taken advantage of or you’ve been scrolling on Instagram too much or swiping or whatever it is that made you forget how awesome you are.
Don’t brush your hair, I don’t care. I still like you.
Quit your job, I’m still your girl.
Get a divorce, I’m still here.
Feel like you want to die because you’re so depressed, I ain’t going nowhere.
All the things that we think make us not enough—they don’t.
Pretty much the only thing that makes you an asshole is when you’re an asshole.
Wear what you want to wear.
Do what makes you happy without harming others.
Go forth in this big, bad world and be a motherf*cking superstar.
Nothing makes sense. We’ve got to make our own sense and rules and style and voices, and then we’ve got to stand by that as if it’s the only thing that makes sense in the whole entire world.”
AUTHOR: JULIANA OTIS
IMAGE: AUTHOR'S OWN
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