5 Ways To Keep Safe From Narcissists As An Empath

 I’m an empath and know it’s highly likely that you are too. Empaths are a narcissist’s preferred person to target because we fit so well into their agendas.

Empaths struggle to be impervious to narcissists and this is why I wanted to share with you this article – the 5 Ways To Keep Safe From Narcissists As An Empath.

Empaths are feeling, sensitive people who care and often give of themselves until it hurts. They are very tuned in to people’s needs and traditionally are the “go to” people who can come up with the solutions and hold everything together in troubled times.

I know that it’s very likely that you, just like me, fit into this category!

Today, I want to share with you my journey of once being an empath who was narcissistically abused, to becoming an empath who still cares and gives, but now in healthy ways.

And … most importantly can stay safe.

After narcissistic abuse, I have not had to give up being empathetic, and neither do you.

Together let’s look at the beautiful, well-earned transformations – these 5 ways that as an empath you too can be safe from narcissists.

 

Number One – Check In With Yourself Instead Of Another

Empaths are very skilled at reading other people’s moods. I believe this was because as young people this is how we learned to keep safe.

Maybe you had a parent who was unpredictable, or unwell, or unavailable, or narcissistic, and in order to try to get love, approval and security you tried to “read” how this parent was so that you knew how to “be” to try to have your needs met.

Growing up this way causes you to lose touch with yourself. You are trying to “be” what the other person wants, so that you can feel whole, safe, and loved, rather than knowing how to “be” these things and make the choices and boundaries that can generate that for yourself.

In adult relationships all of this continues. Narcissistic people don’t want you being in touch with your inner guidance and truths. Because then you are not continually focused on and granting narcissistic supply (energy) to the narcissist, trying to get love and approval whilst they empty you out of your Soul energy and anything else they want to take from you.

When we are not anchored in our own body, navigating life from there creates an experience where you will feel victimised by other people and powerless in trying to change them into being healthy. This is how “life from the outside in” goes, rather than the empowered and successful way of “life from the inside out”.

The questions to ask yourself to start understanding how to reverse this are:

“What values and truths do I want in my life?”

“What can I do right now to look after myself?”

“How can I develop myself to be the person who can generate my values and truths?”

“What and who am I choosing in my life? Are these situations and people my truth?”

“How can I be safe, whole, and effective at creating a great life, regardless of what a specific other is choosing to be and do?”

 

Number Two – Speak The Truth Instead Of What You Think Others Want To Hear

I know this is terrifying initially (until you master it!), yet this is the difference between living your authentic life or not. It is also a massive determinant as to whether or not you will get caught up with narcissistic people.

Narcissists are a False Self. They lie, pretend, manipulate and are completely disingenuous.

This next part is so important for you to hear – narcissists can only connect with us if we are not showing up truthfully, as ourselves, connected to and expressing what is true for us.

Empaths don’t want to hurt people’s feelings. Or so they think. I used to feel horrible about hurting people’s feeling and saying something that may trigger them. Yet, when I deeply healed this fear, I discovered a much more “personal” fear.

In our wonderful community, when others have also become very real and honest, they too discovered the fears of CRAP (criticism, rejection, abandonment, and punishment) for speaking out. This really translates as … don’t confront because it causes far too many issues.

We did not want to risk being “ourselves”.

Virtually everyone had alarm bells with the narcissist. There were “off” things they did or said, or other people warned us about them. There was “smoke” which would have led to a bigger “fire” but we didn’t want to rock the boat, speak up, ask for clarification or confront our uncomfortable feelings by taking a stand for the truth.

Then, by the time we were hooked in, and we tried to speak up, we experienced the wrath of a narcissist CRAPing all over us. (Criticising, rejecting abandoning and punishing).

Narcissists train people to comply – because if their narrative is challenged or someone tries to hold them to account, they retaliate. Empaths stay attached, trying to lecture and prescribe and fix things, repeatedly explaining basic human fundaments to a narcissist that a five-year-old would understand, rather than stating and standing in their own truth.

In my recovery from narcissistic abuse, I determinedly healed my fears of CRAP with NARP, because I knew, moving forward, that the price of not speaking up when something felt off was too great to pay.

I love this example (that I share often) about a date with a man who spoke badly about work colleagues – it felt off to me. When he asked me how our date was going, I answered honestly and politely how I found his comments disrespectful to others. He exploded into a narcissistic rage.

I was so happy, because I recognised this was an “outed narcissist” … in my past I would have just ignored the off feeling, made excuses and gone along with him.

I promise you that when you overcome the fears of CRAP and start showing up honestly, you will be overjoyed as well with these types of graduations. By shining a bright light (authentically with courage) on a narcissist, like a vampire they will shriek and scream. Now you KNOW what this person is, and you know to detach and not to proceed any further.

The garbage just took itself out. 

Number Three – Love Yourself More Than Another

You may believe that this is counterintuitive or even hubris or narcissism – whereas it is anything but.

I know it’s not a popular view but let me explain – empaths have the martyrish belief that “love conquers all” and “I am meant to suffer to help this person” and so on and so forth.

I now recognise in narcissistic abuse that I was choosing him instead of choosing myself. To try and not lose him, I completely and utterly lost myself. It wasn’t until I chose me that I chose my True Life and was able to fulfil my journey, truth, and true mission on this planet.

After choosing me and dedicating to loving and healing myself back to wholeness, I stopped holding him, the messenger of my deepest unhealed wounds, responsible for them.

It was then that I finally “came home” and started aligning with Source, my Soul and my true values and self-love. Then I finally “got” that trying to change someone so that they can grant you yourself – love, approval, security and survival, is not true love. It is control.

Only I can grant myself love, approval, security, and survival, and then from that place make healthy choices as to who has the desire and resources to join me in healthy authentic relationships and let go of those who didn’t.

If someone isn’t choosing to join me at my level of truth, they are NOT my truth, and I (and them) are much better off without each other. We are not a match.

Now, being in a true Soul Mate relationship, I love that my partner chooses himself before me. There is no way I could be disingenuous and have him stay with me. Likewise, he knows I choose myself before him. This generates respect and truth and love. How could we love each other if we didn’t have self-love first?

In relation to narcissistic relationships, you will never accept a level of love less than the level of love that you have for yourself. If you are choosing you, and healing yourself back to wholeness, it’s unlikely that you could remain in a narcissistic relationship.

 

Number Four – Ask For What You Want And Accept Support

Empaths like to give but don’t like to receive. Empaths don’t want to risk reaching out to others for help in case they may suffer rejection.

Human interaction through giving and receiving creates bonds of love, devotion, loyalty and affection.

Givers experience oxytocin when giving. It bonds them to people. If you are the one giving all the time and don’t ask for support and can’t accept it, it’s no wonder you feel taken advantage of and not granted enough attention and love. This is because you are not allowing the other person to lean into you and bond with you.

Empaths can feel a range of uncomfortable feelings when they know they need to develop their receiving spiritual muscles – including feelings of unworthiness and guilt.

Often the difficulty in receiving is also about the fear of being indebted or controlled by others.

I discovered after working with NARP and healing this part of myself, that it was so beautiful to be able to give, but also to show up asking for what I wanted – without justifying and explaining, but just to feel worthy enough to ask.

Please know this, by knowing you deserve and asking for what you want, you will flush out a narcissist effortlessly! Narcissists are in relationships for what they can take, not give. Even altruistic narcissists who give monstrously to enmesh with people and demonstrate huge acts of giving, do not like to be “controlled” by you asking for anything or help. It has to be their idea, not yours.

With any narcissist if you ask for a task to be done or for their help, they will before long, put it off, mess it up or get angry with you for asking.

You being in healthy flowing worthiness will expose this quickly, truly. It will also, with people in general, create deeper bonding, train others to know your worth and stop your painful feelings of being unimportant, and taken advantage of.

 

Number Five – Shine Your Light Brightly

Empaths like to play small and not take up space. They praise and back other people constantly, also try to hide their light under a bushel because they fear that bad people will try to steal their light or even attack it.

I touched on a truth before that Thrivers powerfully know, it’s all part of the vampire metaphor, which screams and retreats into the shadows when a bright light is shone on it.

If we come out as ourselves, without fear and connected to our Inner Truth, showing up fearlessly, speaking up and backing ourselves, and no longer wanting to play with people who are not healthy enough for us to connect with – narcissists steer a wide berth away from us.

Why?

Because they are NOT after your light, they are after whatever it is that they can take from you by deceiving you (they operate in the shadows) – things like sex, attention, money, resources, a roof over their head, your contacts, the image you help them present and so much more.

If you are in your Light, they know they can’t deceive you, trigger you, derail you, control you and use you up for their own inner black hole empty filling agendas.

Narcissists are terrified of your light.

They know you will not look for yourself from a False Source, and that you have a “filled” Inner Being that cannot be tricked into handing away your right, values, and truths.

Like a predator in the wild, narcissists target the “injured gazelle at the edge of the pack”. The narcissist acts interested, identifies the hurts/wounds someone is carrying and then makes out that they are the “saviour” of this unhealed trauma, or what is missing in this person’s life.

That’s how they hook their prey. Telling you how they are the lover who would never cheat on you; the loyal friend who will always have your back; the business partner who can get you masses of the right contracts.

If you are in your Light, you will be self-partnered, healing your hurts directly with Source, and then nothing is missing. There is no “gap” to fill. You are already filling them up yourself with Source. With Quanta Freedom Healing (NARP) the wound is filled with Light every time you do a healing. You are eliminating your inner shadows (unhealed places) where a narcissist could previously slither into.

Does this make sense? Do you now understand how your real job in life is to be authentically the Light that you really are without your inner traumas?