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We may honor some traits from our parents, while rejecting others and
becoming our own person. Heredity plays
a role in almost all human development, whether physical, mental, or
emotional. We tend to look like our parents and are subject to the same
sensitivities they have. We may even be predisposed to certain behaviors or
preferences. As we grow older, we become increasingly aware of the traits
that exist within us and the clear history of the traits of our mothers and
fathers. Our response to this epiphany depends upon whether the inclinations,
tendencies, and penchants we inherited from our forebears are acceptable in
our eyes. We may honor some of these shared traits while rejecting others.
However, there is no law of nature, no ethereal connection between parents
and children, that states that the latter must follow in the footsteps of the
former. We are each of us free to become whoever we wish to be. When we accept
that our parents are human beings in possession of both human graces and
human failings, we begin to regard them as distinct individuals. And by
granting mothers and fathers personhood in our minds, we come to realize that
we, too, are autonomous people and in no way destined to become our
relations. While we may have involuntarily integrated some of our parents’
mannerisms or habits into our own lives, conscious self-examination will
provide us with a means to identify these and work past them if we so desire.
We can then unreservedly honor and emulate those aspects of our mothers and
fathers that we admire without becoming carbon copies of them. Though many of
the tempers and temperaments that define you are inherited, you control how
they manifest in your life. The patterns you have witnessed unfolding in the
lives of your parents need not be a part of your unique destiny. You can
learn from the decisions they made and choose not to indulge in the same
vices. Their habits need not become yours. But even as you forge your own
path, consider that your parents’ influence will continue to shape your
life—whether or not you follow in their footsteps. Throughout your entire
existence, they have endeavored to provide you with the benefit of their
experiences. How you make use of this profound gift is up to you. |
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