Self-Analysis
My
self-analysis has frequently been faulty. Sometimes I've failed to share my
defects with the right people; at other times, I've confessed their defects,
rather than my own; and at still other times, my confession of codependent
defects has been more in the nature of loud complaints about my circumstances
and my problems.
Nevertheless,
I think I've usually been able to make a fairly thorough and searching job of
finding and admitting my personal defects. Yet this pretty well-ventilated
condition is nothing for self-congratulation. Long ago I was lucky enough to
see that I'd have to keep up my self-analysis or else blow my top completely.
Though driven by stark necessity, this continuous self-revelation – to myself
and to others – was rough medicine to take. But years of repetition has made
this job far easier.
When
I took the Fifth Step of CoDA with all the thoroughness I could muster, the
part of me that I feared the most no longer frightened me.
Many
people who believe wonder what atheists do when tough times befall us. To whom
do we turn if not to God? I turn to friends and reason and experiences of the
past. I now think, based on previous events, that the odds are I will get
through whatever comes in my life until it ends.
I
know that my life is no longer my own. My life now is in the hands of ‘a new
Employer.’ Even though I still complain now and then about the working
conditions and sometimes have trouble getting along with my fellow employees,
it's a great improvement over the way things were when I was in charge.
Steve
L. 5/17/2023
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