CoDA Weekly Reading

 

 A Servant Heart Helps Heal My Spirit

Hi, I'm soon to be 78, and I am God-willing a recovering codependent. I have been a codependent all my life. My mom was a good teacher. My dad was an angry controlling alcoholic. My mom was codependent to him.

I had a sad childhood, always a disappointment to my dad. He wanted a boy. I tried all my childhood to be a people pleaser. Trying to be perfect in every way. I still struggle with that in some areas but now with better motives. I got pregnant at 16 on purpose so I could get out of my father's grip. It was a big mistake.

I stayed married to my children's father (we had three sons and one daughter) for 15 years. He treated me very disrespectfully and liked other women. I was so hungry for love that I was swept off my feet at 18 by a married man that was 34, and we had a hurtful affair for many years. He promised to leave his wife and I believed him. By then I had two sons. I loved him and wanted to be with him. Finally, I did break it off with him and divorced my children's father. By the time I was 32 I had many affairs with married men until I met my second husband. Unfortunately, this was another mistake as he was an abusive drinker. We were married 37 years until he died. It was a lonely life.

I joined CoDA a year ago and I finally saw how much I needed CoDA as my hope for me to receive some type of healing. I learned about the Twelve Steps and went to meetings every week. Finally, with the help of the meetings, CoDA friendships I made, and workshops every week, there was hope. I was finally making better choices. I was starting to let go and let God. I was learning to make my priorities about letting God change me, asking him to remove my shortcomings. I learned about the importance of forgiving myself and not letting my past life dictate my present life. To be a better person, especially to myself. I realized the importance of taking care of that little girl that has felt so unloved and unlovable for all these years.

I am ready to be young at heart, at the age of 78, and to let my God direct my way. Let go and let God. I know that the 12 Steps and Traditions are the guidelines to follow and stay committed to a happy and contented life. It’s also important for me to help others that God puts in my path. A servant heart helps heal my spirit. It took me my whole life to find a break and I hope this testimony helps others.

Judy T. – 11/21/2023