My Primary Purpose
I felt called
by my HP today to share. It’s been heavy on my mind. I was thinking about this
last night. I have been thinking about my primary purpose the last several days
as well. I can say that before coming into CoDA, I did not know what I wanted
to pursue in life aside from a relationship and marriage. It’s been a hard one
because of the individual I was engaged to. Looking back in hindsight, I have
realized a few things out of the chaos and tragedies that have occurred...
I believe my
HP gave me my son for a reason, even if it was a part of the relationship
ending with my fiancé. I was given something that I have always wanted in life.
Being older, I thought I was going to miss the mark on having a child because
I’m in my late 30’s. My son is what has woken me up to do better and end the
relationship with his father.
The incidents
that have occurred that lead me to the program were sad, however CoDA was here
when I needed it the most. When my fiancée could not give me what a
relationship should be, I had fellowship with loving people to support me and
encourage me. There were special people that could be a healthy mirror for me.
My HP set that one up quite well. It unlocked a door to a whole other dimension
of my life and people who could really truly love me before I could love
myself. Loving myself is STILL a daily work in progress …progress not
perfection.
When I left
my fiancé the day after Christmas, I was in survival mode packing up everything
I could at a fast rate with necessities for my son and me. He was a month old,
and I was still healing from a C-Section. My HP told me “You are stronger than
you give yourself credit for. AND… all the things you picked up on and obsessed
over were for a reason. I was able to act in a manner where I took massive
action to get my son out of an unhealthy living environment. Everything my ex
neglected, I gained and protected: Myself, our son, our five cats and even some
more.
I realize
part of my primary purpose now is to look at what I do have and how I have
claimed those things. Sometimes the bad gives me something greater later.
Sometimes the bad person in my life teaches me things and I grow closer to my
HP and loving people. Things happen for a reason, and I need to be open, eyes
and ears, to “what is this telling and teaching me?” (Silver Lining) I feel my
purpose is to heal outward, to heal Myself, provide a stable, loving,
nourishing, and supportive environment for my son and five cats. It is
important for me to live out the program daily.
I have lost
some people during the beginning of my journey, but that’s ok. It was for a
reason because I changed “my” behavior. The ones who come before me, who are
drawn to me, will see my primary purpose. That’s how I will be able to carry
the message to those who still suffer or those who need it. They, on their own,
will be able to have some of the gifts I was given through this wonderful
journey & program.
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