In Atlas of the Heart, Brené Brown shares that swimming is her happy place—it’s where she gets her magical trifecta: exercise, meditation, and alone time. But she admits that the moment she starts looking at the swimmer in the next lane, she loses it. Suddenly, she’s racing, comparing strokes, wondering whose workout is better. The moment comparison creeps in, the peace is totally gone.
Comparison is known as the thief of joy for a reason.
She explains in this particular section, though, that our brains are wired for comparison. It helps us build context and make meaning. When we see someone doing something we admire—living boldly, creating freely, parenting gently—it can ignite something in us. A little inner nudge that says, “Hey, I like that. Maybe I can do that too.” But when left unchecked, it lives us to it’s joy-stealing moniker. Brown defines comparison as “the crush of conformity from one side and competition from the other.” In her words, it’s the inner message that says, “Be like everyone else—but better.”
We compare our bodies, our parenting, our careers, our homes, our vacations, our relationships, and even our healing journeys. And then we wonder why we feel anxious, small, and stuck. But here’s the real kicker: comparison blinds us to the truth of how amazing our lives already are. It warps our perception so we can’t see the beauty in front of us. The love. The progress. The gifts and blessings that are quietly blooming in our lives every day.
Anytime we find ourselves in comparison mode, we aren’t just disconnecting from our blessings—we are completely forgetting them.
Luckily, we stop this train right in its deceptive tracks by becoming mindful and noticing when we’re in the grips of compare and despair. Here are three simple but powerful practices to help you come back home to yourself and your blessings:
Catch the Comparison in the Act
Comparison is sneaky, but it leaves a trail. You’ll usually find it right after a scroll session or a conversation that leaves you feeling “less than.” Notice how it shows up for you. Is it in your body—a tight chest, a sinking stomach? Or maybe a voice that says, “Why don’t I have that?”
Awareness is the first antidote. Once you catch it, you can name it:
“Ah, I’m comparing right now. That’s why I feel this way.”
Naming it interrupts the trance and gives you a moment to choose a different thought.
Practice Blessing What You Envy
This one is powerful. When you catch yourself comparing, try this: instead of resenting or envying the person, bless them. Say, “I’m so glad that’s possible for them. May it be possible for me too.” Or even, “Wow, look at what’s possible in this world.”
Jealousy shows you where your desires live. Blessing those desires in others transforms comparison into inspiration. It reconnects you to abundance instead of lack.
Remember Your Unique Soul
Kabbalists teach that our internal goals are what truly shape our lives. These are goals we create about who we want to be—how we want to think, speak, and act. While external goals are important, they’re secondary to the inner work. The only person you need to measure yourself up against is the person you have the potential to become.
Kabbalah tells us that no two souls are alike. That means every human being has a unique soul with its own unique purpose. We are all here to transform in different ways and express/share different gifts in different ways in this world. In this context, it becomes instantly pointless to compare yourself to someone else because their purpose is entirely different from yours and vice versa.
At its core, comparison is a trick of the ego. It spins an intoxicating (and toxic) delusion that tells you there’s not enough. That you’re not enough. But your soul knows the truth: you are already walking a path lined with miracles that is meant for you and you alone.
So the next time comparison starts whispering in your ear, pause. Breathe. Remember what’s real in your life. And come back home to you: your blessings, your life, and your radiantly unique soul.
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