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Reconnecting with our partner after a fight is hard.
I’ve been there many times.
I know firsthand how draining it is to wait for the perfect moment to reconcile. But I also know how silly it is to attack each other instead of attacking the actual problem, irrespective of how we may feel toward each other.
People have a funny way of expressing what they need. Instead of clearly asking for what we want, we might lash out or dismiss our partner and their own needs.
During a heated conversation, we forget that even though we may have different needs, we all have the same desire:
To build a deep, lasting connection.
To feel seen and understood.
To form an enduring emotional bond that stands the test of time.
How can we meet each other halfway? How can we maintain the connection while feeling hurt and disappointed?
It’s not easy—and it will never be. It will always be hard to calm our nervous system before we rush into a conversation. Communicating mindfully while we are upset is challenging, but if we focus on a common desire, we can make space for openness and vulnerability.
Here are four major things to keep in mind if we want to meet our partner halfway:
1. Winning the relationship—not the argument. When trying to resolve conflicts, we tend to use accusatory statements while trying to prove we are right. In doing this, we may win the argument, but we may lose the relationship in the long run. Instead of prioritizing our own opinions, we should discuss our needs while also focusing on (and understanding) what our partner is saying. When we acknowledge our partner’s feelings and perspective, we lower the tension and maintain the connection.
2. Empathy instead of apathy. We may become apathetic in our relationship when we are hurt or overwhelmed. But if we put ourselves in our partner’s shoes, we may understand that they, too, are hurt and seeking connection and a sense of safety. To meet halfway, we must be able to manage our own emotions while acknowledging theirs.
3. Flexibility and open-mindedness. One of the most important things in a relationship is to practice the ability to accept our partner’s point of view even if it doesn’t make sense to us. Their perspective may differ from ours, but the goal is to find a solution together—not create more problems.
4. Humility. We acknowledge our own part. We apologize if needed. We understand that we can’t be right every single time. Humility in a relationship means being willing to admit when we are wrong. If we can’t be humble in love, we can’t be humble in life.
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author: Elyane Youssef
Image: cottonbro studio/Pexels
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