CoDA Weekly Reading

 My Journey with CoDA

In 1990, London, I'd been to a couple of fellowships and was working the programme. I was also aware that going to CoDA had been recommended. So, I went to my first in North London. I made new friends. I learnt about being in a CoDA meeting and how to share, how to recognise what my co-dependency looked like, to say "I'm David, I'm Co-dependent". I quickly felt part of the fellowship and got involved. I did service at meetings. It helped with my boundaries - tea person, treasurer, secretary and even GSR. In the early 90's there were maybe 10-15 meetings a week in London. I went about twice a week to CoDA - I was also doing other meetings. My sponsor was very aware of co-dependency, and we were very aware of the potential for co-dependency in our relationship!

My wife (Min) started going to CoDA at a similar time to me - different meetings. We both began to learn to separate ourselves and in so doing became closer. It gave us a vocabulary to explore how we felt and to try and take responsibility for our part in our lives, a place we could share about each other but in a healthy way and without fear. It was a great time for us, both in recovery and in CoDA. The struggles in groups with guidelines, principles, other members and the fellowship, taught me so much about myself and my judgements.

At some point, around 1992, a handful of us facilitated a workshop on sponsorship in CoDA which was both terrifying and wonderful. It felt great to be exploring and interested with other like-minded people. I was sponsoring a couple of men by then (and had refused a couple of women). The big event as I recall was the first London Convention in 1994 (I might have the year wrong). We had a CoDA office at the time, and I remember painting and preparing the office with other group members. There was a venue attached and I believe we organised the convention there. It was wonderful, the shares, throwing the teddy bear to see who caught it and then shared from the floor. I did a piece about sponsorship with my sponsor and my sponsee. We also performed as the CoDA Drummers. Real fellowship, support, togetherness, fear, joy, love and confrontations.......life on life’s terms stuff.

In 1997 I left UK for 10 years. I’d pop into the odd meeting on visits home but there was no CoDA where I went. These memories seem like another life, did they really happen? I still pop into the odd CoDA meeting in London. I still am friends with my sponsee from the Convention, and my sponsor and I have been together for 36 years.

I retrained as a psychotherapist 17 years ago and I always touch base with CoDA principles and ideas. I frequently use the step working guide and on so many occasions suggest clients try CoDA meetings. My realisation that at the core of my substance and behavioural addictions was my co-dependency has been born out time and time again in my recovery and of course my codependent traits are alive and well.

I began as a wide-eyed and cynical 29-year-old, now at 65 I believe that the lessons and trials I went through in CoDA have enhanced my life and led me to do things I could not believe before. How I see others, my sense of self, trust and acceptance, all tested and pushed within the CoDA fellowship. I have learnt that I get a feeling of tension and speeding up when I lose my boundaries with others, when I become inauthentic, bent out of shape. This is when I need to share what’s happening, particularly emotionally. Thank you CoDA for all I have and hope to achieve. The most demanding fellowship for me and so the most rewarding.

My intention is to move to Australia with Min (my wife now of 40 years) and join the CoDA fellowship there. Anyone remember the convention? Or have I dreamt it all…

David F.
06.02.2026