5 Steps to Building a Better Life After Narcissistic Abuse

 I know you want to be released from the agony of narcissistic abuse, and create a better life afterwards.

We all want an improved life after what we suffered!

Today I am thrilled to bring to you 5 definite steps to building a better life after narcissistic abuse.

In this community of Thriver Recovery, I love that we examine, reach for and heal towards so much more than just “mere survival”.

No longer do we need to settle for the old paradigm of just getting away from a narcissist and then having a lifelong battle with PTSD, other terrible nervous system disorders, as well as a diminished trust in life, others and ourselves.

Rather, the following 5 steps to building a better life after narcissistic abuse can, (and will) catapult you into a much more superior self and life than you could have ever experienced even before going through narcissistic abuse, and even if abuse is all you’ve ever known.

As you read on through these following five steps to building a better life after narcissistic abuse, I really hope you can embrace why!

 

Step 1 – Know That You Can Live Free From Trauma

It is so not true that you will need to continually battle the traumas of narcissistic abuse. These are things like anxiety, depression, PTSD, adrenal malfunction, fibromyalgia, agoraphobia and the limitations and decimation of your mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and financial capacity.

Understanding that these numerous devastating ongoing battles are to do with trauma literally stuck within your Inner Being changes everything. You then know this is what is incapacitating your ability to recover, evolve, extend and become empowered beyond what happened to you.

Rather than stay in this battle, which may have no end, instead you can strive to free yourself from the trauma generating your limiting and devastating symptoms.

Let me explain my own battle, and then emancipation from my trauma.

When I was internally riddled with the traumas of narcissistic abuse, it took everything I had to get out of bed, put one foot in front of the other and try to make myself a cup of tea. The thought of rebuilding my shattered health, finances and life, over and above staying vertical and breathing, was beyond overwhelming. It actually wasn’t possible.

Yet, when I turned inwards to do the inner Quantum Work, and was able to start freeing myself from the internal trauma and creating space inside for healing, wellbeing and Life Force to enter, everything started to shift. My symptoms of PTSD, agoraphobia, fibromyalgia, adrenal breakdown, brain damage from my psychotic breakdown, and my health at every level – mental, emotional, physical, spiritual and even financial – started to heal.

I got well, and my life started to get well. In fact, within an astounding period of time I started to feel the most self-connected, whole and “loved” that I could ever imagine.

I had started to “come home”.

None of this would have been possible with the existing trauma in my body that I was constantly battling that was taking every ounce of my Life Force to try to survive. I know that so many of you have been trying to deal with this momentous struggle as well.

Starting to live free of the trauma is the first essential step.

Why would you try to swim upstream while you have a heavy concrete brick hanging around your neck? It’s not just incredibly more difficult, in many cases you just can’t. Is it any wonder when trying to recover from narcissistic abuse so many people feel like they are drowning in the trauma instead of healing?

Sadly, so many people never enter a true or durable recovery from narcissistic abuse, because their inner trauma has never been released. People join groups and continually reaffirm that they are an abuse victim, will have certain symptoms for life, and will never get free of them and can only hope to manage them. I want you to know with all my heart that all of this is not the truth. Myself, and so many Thrivers in this community are living proof that that is not the case.

To understand more about this, as your first step, I can’t recommend enough joining me in my free webinar to learn about why it’s vital to release your trauma, and how it is powerfully done.

No matter how traumatised you presently feel, this can help you. In my free webinar, you will experience a healing which will help bring you relief and the knowing that your true recovery is possible.

 

Step 2 – Accept Where You Are At

One of the greatest barriers to being able to build a better life after narcissistic abuse is your resistance to “where you are at”.

Please understand I know exactly what such resistance is.

I went through it horrifically, hating what had happened to me, thinking that my life was some cruel joke. I truly believed that everything I had worked for my entire life was down the drain, and I could never recover from this. Here I was at 40 years of age, back at square one, having lost everything and personally disintegrated at every level with seemingly no way to rebuild myself or my life.

(Please know I am not exaggerating – it really was that bad!)

Back then I didn’t understand how Quantum Law worked. I believed life works from the outside in, not the inside out. When I looked at how my life looked from the outside in, it was totally messed up. Everything was smashed to pieces.

Thankfully, as a result of my epiphany awakening at my lowest moment, I saw the Quantum Truth of things. I saw that this had happened for a reason – for my own Soul integration, healing and graduation. None of this “revival” of myself was going to be possible until I accepted that all of this had not happening “to” me, it had in fact happened “for” me.

Here is how Quantum Law operates – so within, so without. What this means is whoever you are BEING on the inside, is what continues to manifest in your life experience on the outside. If I stayed in resistance and hating what had happened to me, then I would only be digging myself into the deep dark pit of manifesting more experiences that I would hate.

I decided to bless and accept this experience – despite being smack bang in the incredible devastation of all that I believed my life was, as well as horrific supposed “unhealable” health conditions.

It was then that even more of my internal light switched on, and I truly got it.

All of this had been calling me to finally turn inwards to self-partner … It was about meeting myself warts and all with total devotion, unconditional acceptance and love. To have the commitment to release my trauma, fill with Source where that trauma once was, and love and heal myself back to wholeness.

I realised how in my previous anxieties, fears and off and on depression (which I previously thought was normal because I had never known any other way to live) that I had always sought love, self-medication and comfort from outside of myself, rather than learning how to come home to be a whole, healthy source within myself.

That was how I had always lived, even before narcissistic abuse. The real truth was my false beliefs and unhealed, undeveloped parts were the ones that literally got smashed to pieces and were brought fully up to the surface within narcissistic abuse.

Now it was time to turn inwards to truly heal them, and rather than be my own worst critic, who had been stuck in terminal self-rejection, self-abandonment and even self-abuse, I was returning home to True Love.

Then, I started to experience incredibly quick progress, expansion, and openings in my life that I had never felt or experienced before.

I had become completely dedicated to accepting this journey of shifting out of Who I Was Being as an “abuse victim” to Who I Was Born To Be, someone who was capable of generating my own True Self and True Life that was wholesome, did serve me, and was aligned with consciousness, self-care and self-respect.

The feelings of relief and joy, even though I still had not rebuilt my life in a material or physical sense, started to pour in. Depression was replaced with inspiration and I wanted to take my rebuilding journey further.

Which leads me to explaining step number three.

 

Step 3 – Understand And Improve Your Boundaries

Boundaries are everything. Your boundaries define what you will accept, and what you won’t accept. In your life when moving forward after narcissistic abuse, it is incredibly important to become self-partnered. This means trusting how things feel in your body.

If something feels “off” then it’s important than you check in with this and heed it.

This means rather than just taking anyone else’s word for anything, take your time to get to know them before letting them into your heart, mind, body, bed and finances. Do your own investigating, research and due diligence before committing to anything. Just because somebody looks you in the eyes and tells you something, and it sounds and looks all shiny and inviting, doesn’t mean that they have the best interests at heart or what they are proposing is even good for you.

Part of our growing up, as a result of narcissistic abuse, it is to take on the mission of being the guardian of our own Soul, home, finances and ultimately life.

Therefore, if anybody is pushing you beyond what feels comfortable for you – say “no”. Don’t enter into relationships or business deals with people on a chemical rush, whim, word or a handshake.

How often do we discover, as a result of narcissistic abuse, that our inner guard was correct all along? Just because we wanted this so badly to work out, or felt bad about confronting someone, asking relevant questions, having the difficult conversations, or were too needy/lazy/trusting/impatient to wait and research and observe all sides of the information (including others trying to warn us about this person/ situation), meant that we paid a terrible price.

Source is always guiding you and even warning you. If you listen.

In a new life going forward, step number three is imperative. It’s about taking full personal responsibility to start growing up so that you feel and think for yourself and make healthy decisions and set healthy boundaries.

No one else as an adult is responsible for your well being – YOU are.

This is such a joy to fearlessly reach this level, because then you have the ability to expand into life, keep yourself safe, and manifest the life that will serve you, instead of making painful and even disastrous wrong turns (like we all previously did!).

You will find that your life will transform beyond anything that you were living previously. You will enter new trajectories of life, which will seem miraculous to you. Because of this Quantum Truth – when you start to honour and protect YOU healthfully, life will honour you safely as well.

Can you imagine what it would be like to avoid the hurtful, traumatic and abusive people and situations in your life, and be in a position to have the space for what is healthy, wholesome, and represents well being to enter?

Get ready for this, because this is all a part of True Thriver Recovery!

 

Step 4 – Get Clear About “What You Want”

I want you to know from the bottom of my heart, that having suffered the losses, disappointments and devastation of narcissistic abuse does not mean that you are not worthy of receiving what you want. Or that it’s impossible for you to achieve your dreams. The exact opposite is true.

By receiving what you didn’t want, you can get very, very clear about what you DO want.

As a result of step number one and releasing your inner traumas and returning back to your connection with filling with True Source (your higher consciousness/self/power) you will start to settle into the organic, solid knowing that what you want is exactly what Source wants for you as well.

Your Soul did not get it wrong. Your desires are the truth for you.

It’s perfectly understandable that you may not know this yet. Your narcissistic abuse experience has led you to believe that when you did receive them you lost them, and that it just wasn’t possible for you to create them.

When you start releasing the traumas from within that were blocking you from being able to generate what it is that you truly desire, new trajectories of possibility and creation that you have never been able to access before, start opening up to you.

The most beautiful thing is, as your trauma and symptoms of abuse start to melt you will be able to start enjoying “where you are at” (your own wholeness and healing) even before the goodies start to arrive.

Myself, and so many others doing inner healing and then embracing “what we want” started to move into happiness, good health, love, and success within our personal missions and desires.

With all my heart, I know that this is possible for all of us, no matter how old we are, what we have lost and what has happened to us in the past, when we know how to heal and release ourselves into our True Self and True Life.

 

Step 5 – Change Your Patterns

Such an important part of creating your new life after narcissistic abuse is changing your patterns.

What does this mean? This – steering yourself out of Wrong Town and turning towards Right Town.

To make way for the new in your life, means letting go of the old ways. The old order needs to go, for the new order to have the space to come in and take root in your life.

This means letting go of the old habits that haven’t been serving you. Maybe you’ve been eating really unhealthy food? Possibly your time has been spent on Netflix or social media instead of turning inwards to heal and develop yourself.

Possibly you have been hanging out on toxic abuse forums which are all about being cemented in the victimisation and talking about each other’s war stories, rather than being connected to groups that are focused on the real solutions of healing beyond your terrible symptoms, into a true Thriving Life.

Maybe your social circles are people who are negative, addiction prone, or never take personal responsibility and don’t transcend beyond their victimhood or painful repeat patterns. Maybe they continually complain about it.

Who you ARE, is what you ingest and who you associate with. If it’s toxic, your Being and life will be toxic.

Also, your life is created by a series of choices. You change your life by how you show up in old situations with new and different choices. When you are willing to listen to your inner guard, speak up, have difficult conversations, lay boundaries, and say no to something that you’ve ascertained does not match your values and your truth, then you open up a whole new pattern to higher vibrational people and situations that you will want to say yes to.

The same applies with saying “no more!” to your old unhealthy urges and addictions that are not serving you.

In regard to meeting new people, in any capacity, if you have the experience of people in your past being controlling … or unavailable … or addicts … or whatever it is that has hurt you, then to choose that again when the red flags appear and hope “this time” you will be able to fix and change this person, is a complete and utter turn again into Wrong Town.

The people you choose are the people you get. The situations you choose are the situations you get. This fifth step to building a better life after narcissistic abuse is about changing your patterns, rather than letting neediness, or beliefs of lack (someone better may not come along) to get in the way.

Then you will command life in all of its magnificence to present you with higher vibrational realities that you have never chosen and reached before.

By adopting this principle, which is the Thriver Way to live, you will see how powerfully and quickly your life will transform, because YOU are the powerful force being different.

When you Be it, then it will Come.

That is what be-come means!

This is exactly the turn I took away from Wrong Town, towards Right Town – embracing my true values and healthy desires. I achieved this by saying “No” to all the people and situations that represented my old patterns.

Yes, it is lonely for a time. Yes, there is a void. However, working on yourself to heal, from the inside out, feels so solid and whole in your own body and it gets really easy and even beautiful to just focus on coming home to yourself before the goodies arrive!

Wasn’t it “that state” that we were trying to get “stuff” from in order to achieve anyway?

Sooooo interesting that the solid peace inside makes the getting of stuff so effortless in the future.

It’s Quantum Law – so within, so without.

 

In Conclusion

I hope that this has given you hope that there is a way to create an incredible life after narcissistic abuse.

These five points are powerful. They allow you to move out of the place of being broken, victimised and feeling helpless and hopeless, to taking control back over your life.

I promise you with all of my heart that there are thousands upon thousands of Thrivers in our community who lost everything, and even their will to live, who have now transformed their life beyond recognition as a result of committing to the healing of these five points.

Hopefully this article has given you inspiration, hope and switched on your inner light to believe that this is possible for you too!

Maybe you can see how far you have come along with building your new life after narcissistic abuse. If so this will be a lovely confirmation for you!

Or this article could have helped highlight for you the areas that require your focus.