CoDA Weekly Reading

 

“We are free. I am free.” search of recovery.

To me, being in recovery is being in peace.

Obviously I, like a good codependent, am always attracting situations that take out my inner peace.

The CoDA program helps me identify these situations and disconnect myself from them.

However, many times, I don't want to.

In those moments, I suffer.

In those moments, I need a lot of help from my Higher Power, to have the strength and courage to do His will, not mine.

I have a strong belief that the will of my Higher Power is for me to have peace, and for me to develop my potential, whatever they are.

However, many times, I don't want to accept the responsibility to develop my potential. And at the same time I let go of my inner peace. The condition to have inner peace is to resign my own fantasy, which many times is in conflict with my spiritual principles.

I get in a cycle of blame and rationalization. I judge myself.

My Higher Power loves me unconditionally.  My Higher Power forgives me. My Higher Power knows I'm human.

But My Higher Power is also fair. The spiritual laws aren't only for me: everybody has to follow them. One spiritual law is that we can not control other people. We can not force a connection. I can not obligate someone to love me.

And I forget that this principle gives me a great freedom: I am also not obligated to love someone. Nobody is obligated to love anybody. We are free. I am free.

I know that a relationship is much more than love. It is commitment and responsibility. Again: I can not obligate someone to commit with me. And again it gives me a great freedom: nobody can obligate me to commit with somebody.

I am not God.

I am just another human being.

Other persons aren't God either.

 

V.A.C. - 5/21/21