You may think breaking free from narcissistic abuse is about fighting back. I promise you that I used to think this too!
However, any energy that you grant a narcissist means they will continue to keep you hooked up, abuse you, mine your resources and continue to devastate your life, as well as that and who you love.
There is only one way to truly break free from narcissistic abuse. That is to let go.
Of course, this is so much easier said than done.
“Letting go” I believe is one of the hardest things to do – it certainly was for me, yet now I know it’s the only way to deal with anything that isn’t serving our life, especially a narcissist.
You may think that “letting go” means surrendering and giving in. No, it doesn’t mean this at all! It means making the powerful choice of – “This is NOT my reality!”
Today, I wanted to share with you my top 4 things that you need to let go of to break free from narcissistic abuse.
Number One – Release Expectations
One of the greatest reasons we don’t let go is because we think we can change what the narcissist is doing – the conscienceless acts, the terrible actions, behaviours and assaults that are completely out of bounds and not acceptable. We want this person to “get it” – be remorseful, admit responsibility and reform.
Where narcissists are concerned, when functioning within conflict, you aren’t even able to have a sane conversation, let alone achieve all of the above.
Please know this – a narcissist is not wired the way that you are. They don’t want harmony, understanding, teamwork and to connect with people in healthy ways. Rather they wish to stay illusive, deceptive, manipulative and controlling so that they can keep the upper hand whilst siphoning out people’s energy, resources and Life Force.
Narcissists are psychic vampires; they don’t have the desire or even the capacity to align with what we know to be “humanity”.
No matter how hard you try, there is no way to achieve results with someone who has neither the desire, or even the capacity to comply. Therefore the only way to break free is to let go of the need for this person to be a decent human being. They have no more ability to care for you than a crocodile has of rolling over and letting you scratch its belly.
Number Two – Let Go Of Needing Accountability
I know you may feel that unless the narcissist is held accountable, your life can’t go on. I really want you to understand that firstly, this rarely happens (I’m sorry to let you know this but it’s the truth) and secondly, the power and the truth of how you create your own life (when you take your power back) is not reliant on what someone else is or isn’t doing.
Absolutely, I previously hung on massively to the need for the narcissist to be brought to justice.
What this equalled was – “I can’t get well and recover my life until this happens.” This is the place that I stayed in for a long time.
This didn’t supply me with any healing, relief or emancipation. Fundamentally it didn’t because it defied Quantum Law – so within, so without. My Inner Identity was, “I and my life are not well until (the condition) changes outside of me”. This was like trying to put a cart in front of the horse. I didn’t get the “change” outside of me. I had to be the change on the inside, non-conditional to what was happening outside of me.
I promise you that if you let go of the need for accountability, and work on recovering and loving and healing your Inner Being to wholeness (which is 100% unconditionally possible when you work with my Thriver Way to heal), you will go free of any need for accountability.
Often, this is exactly when the narcissist is held accountable and you win against them in a myriad of ways.
Why?
Because it’s no longer a condition of your “beingness”. This is exactly how Quantum Law works. (You may need to read this section a few times over and deeply feel into it to understand how true and profound this is.)
Number 3 – Relinquish Demands On Yourself
It is so important to let go of the need to be “superman” or “superwoman”.
The experience of narcissistic abuse is akin to being in a war zone, but even more than this you have suffered a terrible psychic and energetic assault.
Narcissistic abuse is a phenomenon – it is a spiritual war. You feel like you have been infiltrated and devastated emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and usually financially – literally at every level of your “self”.
Many of us, who were really strong and resilient in various ways were shocked to discover, after narcissist abuse, that we couldn’t just get up and get on with it.
Initially I found that shocking. I had always prided myself in being strong, positive and being able to get up and get on with it, no matter what setback I had. I know so many of you are the same – you are incredibly strong, resourceful, intelligent and capable. This has shocked you too!
When I tried to rebuild my life, I found that I just wasn’t capable. My anxiety, depression, PTSD, agoraphobia, fibromyalgia and other nervous system disorders were too severe. Everything I tried to achieve from this state, failed. Everything just got worse.
At first my ego identity, that used to position myself as strong, capable and successful didn’t want to admit defeat. Finally, I accepted that “letting go” of that previous identity was absolutely perfect for me. When I minimalised my life and made my healing all about my inner devotion to me, and gave myself permission to be in this healing hiatus, a huge shift occurred.
For the first time in my life, I discovered a tenderness, and love for myself that I had always been seeking from all the wrong places – namely outside of ME.
For the first time in my life as a result of honouring and valuing my Soul instead of focusing on “who I was in the world” or “what I was doing”, I found it so much easier to heal from narcissistic abuse, and make things right between my Inner Being, Source and Life, which completely set up the foundation for my True Thriver resurrection and ultimately life.
It brings me so much joy when I see this almighty battle between people and their ego end, and the beautiful self-partnering and healing that this brings. Many of you here, reading this article now, are already living this experience.
Number 4 – Let Go Of The Old Life
I think this one, number four, is the hardest. With the narcissist we really did believe (in an intimate relationship sense) that this was the life we had always dreamed of having.
With other people in your life, such as a narcissistic parent or family member, you know the life you are “meant to” have with them, and feel the devastation of never being able to achieve that.
Life with a narcissist is not your dream life, regardless of what you thought you were signing up for, or what you know should be “normal”. Rather, it’s a horror show.
Like so many of us, the realisation and dawning of how bad this really is, is something that I didn’t want to accept. (I know how hard it is for you too!) I had always had painful or disappointing relationships and this time I really thought he was “everything” I wanted a partner to be, and we seemed so mutually aligned with what we both wanted in life.
When you have decided “this is it”, plus you are feeling a powerful connection to a person who defies anything you have felt before, then it is a very big deal to change your mind. Even greater than changing your mind, is the changing of your heart.
To add insult to injury, ending with a narcissist doesn’t just mean “losing the dream”, it also usually means losing years, your health, resources and much of what you have achieved to date going completely down the toilet as well.
This I want you to know with all my heart, when you heal the Thriver Way you will be able to accept that the development and healing of your Soul is the greatest win of all. What you thought you had with the narcissist was connected to a False Self having a False Life.
This person was never meant to “be” your True Self and True Life; they were in your life to bring you to your knees, so that you could turn inwards, come home to True Source, and align with that yourself.
Because, unconsciously, you had positioned someone else as your Source of Love, approval, security and survival, as well as Life Force, joy, expansion, confidence and capacity to be your True Self and True Life, you had never been fully free to be yourself and your own higher potential.
Letting go of the life that you thought “was meant to be” IS so painful. I promise you, however, when you dedicate to inner healing and valuing your Soul, the outer will start responding in ways that will thrill you. Ways that are real, durable and truly fulfilling – as well as empowering.
I promise you from the bottom of my heart, that my own life, and that of countless others who have healed the Thriver Way in this community have created prosperous, loving, incredible lives that far exceed anything we were previously experiencing.
Ultimately, we discovered the only life that would have durably fulfilled us, are lives generated from the inside out.
In Conclusion
I know you are human … I know it’s hard to let go!
You may have heard this expression “Let Go and let God”. What it really means is that when we clean out the toxic trauma and people and situations from our life that are connected to abuse, it creates incredible space for healing, well-being and miracle to enter.
Doing exactly this shift is the powerful basis of what my Thriver Healing is all about.
Personally, I couldn’t just logically accomplish “letting go”. I needed to do deep inner work to get this task done. Specifically, Quanta Freedom Healing was the key for me to release and be resolved from the “unthinkable” trauma of narcissistic abuse, as it has been for thousands of Thrivers in this community.
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