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One of the most beautiful qualities of an intimate relationship
is the give and take of energy that occurs between two people. In the
best-case scenario, both people share the talking and listening, and the
giving and receiving of support, equally. Occasionally, within any
relationship, the balance shifts and one person needs to listen more, or give
more. Generally, over a long period of time, even this exception will take on
a balanced rhythm; we all go through times when we take more and times when
we give more.
However, there are also relationships in which the balance has always felt
one-sided. You may have a friend whom you like, but you have begun to notice
that the conversation is always about their life and their problems and never
about yours. You may also have a friend who seems to require an inordinate
amount of support from you but who is unable or unwilling to give much in
return. Over time, these relationships can be draining and unsatisfying. One
option is simply to end the relationship, or let it fade out naturally.
Another option is to communicate to your friend that you would like to create
a more equal balance in which your concerns also get some airtime. They may
be taken aback at first, but if they are able to hear you, your friendship
will become that much more sincere. They may even thank you for revealing a
pattern that is probably sabotaging more than one relationship in their
life.
A third option is to simply accept the relationship as it is. There are many
one-sided relationships that actually work. One example of this is a mentor
relationship in which you are learning from someone. Another example is a
relationship in which you are helping someone who is sick, disabled, or
otherwise needy. In these instances, you can simply be grateful that you are
able to help and be helped, trusting that the balance of give and take will
even out in the big picture of your life.
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