How To Never Fall Victim To A Narcissist Ever Again

 Today I want to have a conversation with you about how to never fall victim to a narcissist ever again.

This is important.

You know the cost it has on your life if you do, and I know that all of us want to Thrive – be ourselves and be free in life without having to hide out, dim down and not be ourselves because of this fear.

I promise you this is possible. I, myself, am free to be my radiant, confident, courageous self without worrying about who is narcissistic or who is not.

The following is key and I promise you this – your safety from narcissists has nothing to do with who other people are or aren’t being. It has everything to do with who YOU are or aren’t being.

That is the GREAT news, because you don’t have any control over other people. You only have control over yourself.

Let’s get started with looking at how we can hand our power away and fall prey to narcissistic people – which is vital in order to realise this trap.

 

Narcissists Pretend To Be Everything You Want

Narcissist are brilliant “fact finders”. They are like the stealth army in the Trojan Horse looking for a way to get your trust to enter the “gates”, namely your body, brain, heart, Soul and finances. They do this by trying to find out “what you want”.

Emotionally these are powerful “yes” buttons for people. Such as if the narcissist discovers that in previous relationships you were cheated on, they will tell you how absolute the value of monogamy is for them.

If you are looking for an employee who has certain skills, the narcissist will tell you how they are exactly the person you are looking for to fill the position.

If, deep down, you feel like you can’t survive without a partner, they will ensure that you hear how protective, reliable, and caring they are.

If you have any fear in your life that is BIG, they will supply a narrative to agitate your fear and then pretend to be the solution to it.

Take note of this (because it is EVERYTHING) – narcissists hope you won’t investigate what could be within the Trojan Horse.

They hope you just get emotionally swept up, throw sensibility out the window, don’t take your time, don’t look at references, don’t research and don’t question anything even if it feels “off”.

Maybe you are feeling so blissed out by the possibility of “the person of your dreams” or so confident “this person has the goods” that you forgo all the checks and balances and due diligence.

Then … yes … the Trojan Horse gets through the gates.

I know what it is like to fall for this. We all do. I did it, despite the icky feelings and even pieces of information that were contrary to the narrative the narcissist was feeding me. Being attached to “what I wanted to hear and believe” used to happen in many areas of my life, allowing narcissistic people in and this was not just romantically.

I felt like it was rude to question and have boundaries. I didn’t want to hurt other people’s feelings. I was scared that if I took my time to ascertain them that they wouldn’t like me, could criticise me, smear me to others or even leave me to be with someone else.

Truthfully, I really had no idea what I was looking for anyway. I didn’t know the truth about what it took and how to be in regard to making sure someone’s character and credentials checked out. And, I was yet to learn this very valuable lesson – that people can say whatever they want but it’s their actions and the real-life results that count regardless of what someone pretends to be.

 

Staying Attached To Your Version Of Them

Narcissists are very skilled at knowing that if they present as the saviour of whatever it is you haven’t healed or empowered within yourself, then when they start treating you terribly, you will stay attached.

These are some of our subconscious yearnings regarding narcissists …

“Please be the person who saw, loved and met me like no other.”

“Please be that dream man / women who wanted to marry me and spend their life happily forever after with me.”

“Please be that person who had the guts, gumption and go that I didn’t have to make the business contracts my enterprise requires.”

“Please look after me, protect me and BE the granter of love, approval, security and survival to me.”

“Please be whatever it is that you have said you will help me with, save me from, or grant me in my life to be true!”

It was all about dependency.

This is really confusing for people, because many of us who have been trauma bonded to narcissists are capable people. Many of us are highly intelligent and high achievers. So why is it that even though we have been “capable” of making our lives work and even have a super-capacity in many areas of our lives, do we feel like broken, dependent children who can’t make it on our own?

This is all about emotional unhealed wounds. It’s very possible to appear powerful, confident and capable to the outside world, yet feel like an anxious, depressed, empty person within.

This is what narcissists find within us and pretend to “ease”. Then they “play” with these parts of us – striking them to hurt and control us. They side-step their own accountability for bad behaviour (by making arguments our fault) and promise these “carrots” (that they will never durably deliver) in order to keep us hooked whilst they siphon us for their own gain.

This leaves us hooked to them, feeling like we can’t break free from them, because we can’t generate these things without them.

Things like “love”, “approval”, “security” and “survival”.

Personally, this shocked me. I had been able to make my life work on my own. I had been successful on my own, yet (as I was to discover) much of my “creation” had come from the fear that I wasn’t safe and I may not survive. That was what had been pushing me to “over-achieve”. It wasn’t from “flow” and “inspiration” (the good stuff). Rather, it had been from a terror of “not being able to feel safe and survive” (which of course the narcissist identified and presented as the solution to).

I had always also felt in a relationship like I would “die” when it broke up. I had many unhealed traumas that had made me believe that I couldn’t survive without a man. Even when I was with the narcissist and everything was under threat, the thought of living without him was beyond terrifying.

I know that so many of you have experienced or are experiencing the same.

And of course, like me you were just trusting and assuming that ALL humans are like you – that they are all good people.

Now you know – they are not. And it’s essential to accept this.

 

You As Your Own Source

With the narcissist my greatest fears became manifest. My terrors of losing love, being alone and losing everything I had worked my whole life for – it all happened. Not only did I lose “everything” I also lost my health, my connections with other people, my mind and very nearly my Soul.

This was meant to be.

Why? Because I had never previously chosen my Soul. I had handed away my Soul autonomy to forces outside of myself. I trusted blindly, because I was looking for “saviours” in my life, rather than true partners in life, as a result of being my own autonomous authority, connected with True Source.

Also, I had believed my identity was tied to a partner, and a certain amount of income, resources and property. I had always worked too hard, tried to keep the peace, “given to get” and twisted myself into a thousand shapes to try to keep someone happy so that they would love and approve of me and grant me the security and survival that would finally allow me to feel safe.

It didn’t work. As a child I had been powerless to create this. As an adult I wasn’t able either. But as an adult it now wasn’t anyone else’s job to give me myself.

I finally realised, that I had never come home to me – to my Inner Me. I had never put my Soul, my Inner Being and the healing of my connection to my Soul and Source as my highest priority.

Thank goodness in complete and utter breakdown of everything that I thought was my life, and even what I thought was myself, I finally realised that there was no place to go other than within.

Despite everything in my life being rubble at my feet – my finances, health, reputation and dreams (everything) – all completely smashed to pieces, I finally “got” that nothing else mattered other than connecting to and self-partnering with my Inner Being and Source and creating the truest relationship in my life – between me, my Inner Being and Source.

That was the path that led to Quanta Freedom Healing. The way to achieve this was to heal up those parts of me that felt empty, scared, looking for a saviour and not being able to trust myself, make empowered and wise decisions and say “No”.

This changed everything. My narcissistic abuse symptoms melted away, I no longer felt anything – and much less addiction, non-closure and obsessions towards narcissistic people. They became “Not My Reality”.

Being connected to True Source, trusting my own inner solid truths and values regardless of who other people decided to be, became My True Reality.

False selves had no place in this anymore.

 

You Are Your Saviour

Many people don’t want to hear this – and once upon a time neither did I.

It’s human nature to not want to take responsibility for our own lives. Narcissists have completely exploited human “smallness” (other people and authorities control my truth) and our distracted laziness (I don’t have time to look into this fully).

I promise you I used to righteously think that all people should be like me – decent people, trustworthy and that they should just do the right thing and be held accountable if they didn’t.

That’s not how Quantum Reality works – so within, so without. People are not treating you how you treat them, they will come into your life and treat you identically to the way that you treat yourself.

When we hand power away by going along with what we want to believe and want to trust, without boundaries, or taking time to ascertain people, their characters and what is on offer – then what you accept is what you will get.

There are bad people in the world and they WILL get through the gates.

Please know, as hard as it is to accept, it is YOUR job to heal and develop yourself enough to prevent this. And again, people can get very confused. You may think that means armouring yourself up to have greater suspicions and defences and to research everything you can about bad people to keep yourself safe from them.

Nothing, actually could be further from the truth. This won’t help you recover and in fact will just plunge you deeper in to the pain and the trauma as well as increase the likelihood of more of these people coming in to your life. Again, this is Quantum Law – so within, so without. Any strong emotional charge (including hurt defensive ones) is “This Is My Reality!”. You think you are saying “No” to something and in fact you are saying “Yes” to it.

The true solution is to heal the trauma from within (which is what Quanta Freedom Healing in the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program powerfully does) so that you can emerge calm, solid, fearless, sensible, solidly aware of values and boundaries, being your authentic gorgeous self, checking things out, asking the right questions, being unattached to outcomes, and no longer caring about pissing people off who are exploitative.

What you will discover is good people (and there are tons of them in the world) appreciate you valuing yourself in business, love and life, and have no problem being asked for credentials and you taking your time – these people have absolutely nothing to hide.

Narcissists and sociopaths do. They operate in the shadows. They smear, cancel, censor, attack and project to avoid scrutiny. Decent people don’t. It’s wonderful when someone attacks you. This is a vampire who has had a bright light shone on them. The garbage then takes itself out.

Additionally, after turning within to release the traumas that have become your life, you fill up with True Source (True Life Force). Without needing any proof, you will feel fulfilled and at peace even before the real-life results of your healing show up. Then it starts to, in droves.

You are no longer needy and making rash decisions from a place of emptiness and fear, and because you have got better, you do much better.

Narcissists are actually very easy to flush out once you know how to be yourself. Can you imagine what life is like when you live free of the fear of them.

That is True Thriving.

Does this make sense? Can you feel inside the truth of what I am sharing here with you? Can you see that this is an incredible opportunity, as painful as it has been, to finally come home to you?