Today I want to talk about the ways that narcissists target and ensnare their victims for not just narcissistic supply – but Grade A supply.
What is Grade A narcissistic supply?
Reactions from others that are powered up with the MOST emotional energy.
Most people don’t want BIG and CRAZY emotional responses from people, yet narcissists thrive on it! I know you may find that incredible … but, you see, we don’t think like narcissists do.
To the average person drama, ridiculousness, mayhem and turmoil are not desired goals. To a narcissist – shockingly enough – they are.
What is the purpose of creating so much disruption and devastation? It grants the attention that makes a narcissist believe they are significant.
A narcissist is flat line. They don’t have a functioning Inner Self, because the False Self, which is the narcissistic, constructed fictitious character that they believe, is special in the world, has replaced it.
This false narrative provides the narcissist with the pantomime of imagining themselves as Intelligent … Attractive … Powerful … Astounding.
This is the narcissist pretending to be the person they would like to be, in stark contrast to how the narcissist really feels about themselves, which is the self-loathing of feeling dead, empty, irrelevant and defective on the inside.
The “gap” is pretty huge and needs constant “reassurance” to keep up the fiction. This is why the narcissist chases “attention”. The best attention is laced with another human being’s intense emotional reaction.
This is not just desired by a narcissist, it is essential to offset the descent into the gaping black inner landscape of insignificance that threatens to swallow them whole, without narcissistic supply.
Narcissists are as hooked on narcissistic supply as the most deviant addict, it’s the one thing they chase frenetically to emotionally self-avoid and self-medicate.
Let’s look at 12 common ways they do this to get the best of the best narcissistic supply.
#1 – Love Bombing
In the beginning stages with a narcissist, they will appear to be everything you have ever wanted. Kind, caring, attentive. They will see what is missing in your life, emotionally and/or practically and start to supply it in droves.
This inspires your gushing gratitude, devotion and allegiance. It also may allow this person to enter and become an embedded fixture in your life, which narcissist need to do, in order to 1) continue to regulate narcissistic supply and 2) in the future dump their rageful Inner Self onto someone close to them who is too hooked to leave.
#2 – Start Withdrawing What They Were Providing
A narcissist will start to withhold what it was that they were originally granting so liberally to you. This could be their attention, love and care. It may be practical or financial support.
Initially, you will make allowances for this person, until it gets too obvious and painful and then you will start reacting. The narcissist may lie about why they are doing this now, or spin it back on you saying you are imaging things, or blame you in some demeaning, confusing or inflammatory way for why this is happening.
You start being emotionally affected. Bingo – you are now hooked, being emotionally affected, granting the narcissist the emotional drama to confirm his or her existence.
#3 – Devise Unrealistic Or Cruel Payoffs
Once a narcissist knows you are hooked, he or she can start making “deals”, which of course are all brokered in the narcissist’s favour.
Maybe he or she wants an open relationship or some other perverse sexual experience. Or access to your home, bank account or resources. Maybe he or she threatens to leave if you don’t agree to marriage or the signing over of something. Perhaps it is the limiting and controlling of who you can see, and what you can and can’t do in your free time.
Not only are these things violations, but they are also direct assaults on your soul. You know it. You feel it and you react.
This is Grade A narcissistic supply because as you fight for your Soul given rights to be free and true to yourself, the narcissist gleefully knows you are emotionally hooked (dependent) and can be messed with.
Either way, the narcissist wins. If you fight back they get the emotional kick from your pain, anger or fear; or if you give in they get the heady ego-trip of being in control of you.
#4 – Starting An Argument
There are very few limits with narcissists when conversing. The means justifies the end game. If a narcissist’s False Self has decided that it needs a hit of significance or to punish you because you didn’t live up to something the narcissist’s False Self demanded from you – then an argument can erupt.
He or she knows what makes you tick.
It could be a conversation designed to incite jealousy, insecurity, confusion, or feeling abused.
You react, and again the narcissist gets exactly what he or she is after, seeing you emotionally disturbed, which makes them feel like they are the controller of your emotional Universe.
#5 – Going Missing In Action
Any addict, when low on a drug, has to go get some. If you are engaged in your own life without the narcissist feeling like they control it, or you are paying someone else too much attention (this could be anyone at all it doesn’t have to be a romantic threat), he or she will take off to get narcissistic supply elsewhere and absolutely could be up to no good.
Apart from getting a feed of supply, much of this will be purposeful cruel payback.
This is a tactic to get your attention back on the narcissist again, determinedly (how dare you remove it). The narcissist may further punish you by turning off their phone and being uncontactable.
This grants the narcissist the added narcissistic supply bonus of showing people your frantic messages, and spinning the story of you being the “crazy person.
#6 – Denying Having The Conversation
Nothing much makes people madder than someone saying, “I never said that” when you both know they did. A narcissist will look you straight in the eye and say this never happened and you have it wrong.
You start to wonder if you should record all future conversations (trust me this won’t work at all either).
Being barefaced lied to is a massive trigger for most people which is why this works to extract Grade A narcissistic supply extremely well.
#7 – Pulling the Rug Out From Under You
One of the greatest ways a narcissist can set you up for narcissistic supply is to let you down. Maybe it is an offer of help, that you relied upon which was withdrawn at the last minute, or done so haphazardly and carelessly its created even bigger problems for you.
It could be a promise to meet you for dinner, go away with you, or grant you some cherished desire, that is forgotten about or withdrawn – often at the last moment.
The results are devastating. To add insult to injury the narcissist will give you lame excuses and blame you for their actions.
You are incensed and even heartbroken – again granting the narcissist Grade A narcissistic supply.
#8 – Abandonment
Many of us know that this is one of the biggest trigger cards a narcissist can play. Telling you that they don’t know whether they love you, or want to be with you. Or it could just be a cold – “It’s over.”
Or, maybe the narcissist walks out the door saying, “You will never hear from me again.”
This may come when you didn’t see it coming and often comes when you need them most. You may be triggered into a terrified inner child wound where you plead, cry, chase after and hand over copious amounts of narcissistic supply. As well as surrendering all of your rights and values trying to do anything to retain the narcissist’s disgraceful version of conditional on/off “love”.
Of course, for the narcissist, this is Grade A supply at its finest.
#9 – Replacing You
Many a narcissist creates a scripted public production with their new supply. Appearing on social media in all their glory.
Retaining conversations with you, making contact with you, rubbing this person in your face and making you feel the utter anguish of this new person getting what you believed should have been yours, is a way to hurt you significantly.
It’s beyond cruel and is specifically designed to grant a narcissist copious narcissistic Grade A supply.
#10 – Feigning Illness/Helplessness
This tactic is one that narcissistic women often use on men (there are narcissistic men that use it too on women who feel over-responsible and guilty). Appealing to someone’s sense of care or protectiveness is a way to manipulate and regulate narcissistic supply, especially when the non-narcissistic person has something organised for themselves, or is thinking about leaving.
#11 – Smearing And Abusing By Proxy
Narcissists can say the most disgusting untrue things about you (usually the projection of what he or she does) and can get authorities or minions to attack you on their behalf.
There is an old saying, “Don’t roll in the mud with a pig, because you’ll get dirty and the pig loves it.”
Narcissists are thrilled when you enter their inverted deranged battlefield emotionally triggered and trying to fight back. This is the optimal position for him or her to continue abusing you as well as further demean you to authorities and others.
The Grade A supply, attention, significance and vengeance the narcissist receives from this is immense.
#12 – Sending You To The Brink
I know that it is horrific to imagine but I really want you to know that this is true – the ultimate badge of significance for a narcissist is the knowing they affected you significantly enough that you went over the edge.
I promise you that over the years in this community I have heard narcissists admit how much pride they had for having previous people institutionalised and even committing suicide over them.
Here we really are talking about narcissistic psychopathy – which is devoid of anything we know to be human or humane.
In Conclusion
Regardless of whether the narcissist in your life is capable of being that sub-human, you know things are NOT right and they are NOT normal.
I hope you understand that the more you react to the disordered behaviour the more power, energy and Life Force you hand away.
Get this – that is what this is all about! Feeding off your energy, because a narcissist can’t generate any of their own emotional Life Force. They HAVE to be parasites and feed off of other people.
That to them – is what EVERY relationship is REALLY about.
The only way to “beat” these people is to completely detach and heal. The greatest insult to a narcissist is, “you are no longer my reality.”
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