Throughout the course of a successful
marriage or long-term commitment, the two people in the relationship may
shift in and out of various roles. For example, one person in the couple may
support the other person going back to school. In order to do this, he or she
steps into a supporting role, setting aside certain goals or aspirations in
order to provide a stable base from which his or her partner can launch in a
new direction. There are many gifts of learning inherent in this role -- from
having the opportunity to embody a nurturing stance to feeling the pleasure
of seeing a loved one thrive. When our partner expands his or her horizons,
ours expand, too, and we gain access to a world that would otherwise remain
closed to us.
However, there is also much to be said for having a turn to be the one
stepping outside the box, perhaps taking time to attend to our personal
healing, spiritual pursuits, or other interests. In order to maintain balance
within our relationships, it’s important that we address these issues each
time one person steps into a supporting role so the other can try something
new. When we are conscious about acknowledging that one person is bearing a
bit more of a burden so that the other can grow, we stand a better chance of
making sure the ebb and flow in the relationship remains fair and equal.
The most important part of this process is open communication in which each
person has a chance to express how they feel and come to an understanding
about the roles they have agreed to play and when they expect them to shift.
Each time a dynamic shift occurs, a ceremony of acknowledgment can lend an
air of distinction to the moment. This can be a simple dinner date or an
elaborate ritual, depending upon what works best for us at the time. Perhaps
the most important thing is expressing gratitude to the person in the
supporting role and encouragement to the person moving in a new direction.
When the flow of feeling and communication is open, a healthy closeness
develops that allows each person in the relationship to have a turn at each
of these important roles.
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