Without Innerstanding You Will Never Be Understood

 I love the expression “Innerstanding” – because it is SO Quantum!

People ask “What does Quantum mean?” My explanation is this: entering the unseen world and seeing the base-note truth from where all physical reality springs from.

Your personal Innerstanding relates to your energetic relationship with yourself. It’s your emotions, and your emotional decisions.

To put “Innerstanding” into one simple sentence, I would describe it as “choosing WHO you decide to BE.”

Your Beingness isn’t a logical decision, it’s an embodied one.

Today’s article is all about why, if you don’t have a concrete Innerstanding, you will never be understood.

And how striving to be understood will never grant you a solid Innerstanding!

I’m really looking forward to sharing this, one of my favourite topics, with you. I hope it will be enlightening for you!

 

What Does Innerstanding Look Like?

Innerstanding means taking an inner emotional stand for something.

This is a vital key of self-definition, because if you don’t decide what to stand for, you will fall for other people’s ideas of life – meaning these people will define your life.

From the Thriver Healing perspective, Innerstanding means being self-partnered enough to decide powerfully what is or isn’t your truth – knowing that if you don’t decide this, others will.

What you allow is what you will get and without Innerstanding you will have many unwanted and even abusive people and situations enter your reality.

This is especially true if you have had the programs and patterns of being narcissistically abused.

Many people may think they have an Innerstanding, but when push comes to shove they don’t. They capitulate, hand away power and try to make deals with life, such as “I’ll allow and go along with this, because I am trying to hang on to something or someone.”

I understand – I used to do this too! Even when I knew what I wanted, I tried to make deals. I went along, dropped my boundaries, sucked it up, tried to keep the peace and didn’t have the courage to make a stand and leave or let go.

Now I know how disappointing, detrimental and even devastating this can be.

Let’s look at some real-life examples.

 

Trying To Change Your Version of Me, To Feel Okay About Me

Mary is married to Peter and he belittled her. Mary continually tried to please him and be good enough for him, in order to get his approval.

Mary hoped that by doing so his treatment of her would improve and then she could feel better about herself on the inside.

It didn’t happen. It actually can’t.

The Quantum Law of  ‘so within, so without’ – which is as absolute as gravity – is how earth life works (and can’t work any other way). No matter what Mary tried to do to change the “outside” (Peter), in order to feel better on the “inside”, her efforts failed. Rather, Mary continued to receive from Peter more of how she ALREADY felt on her “inside.”

Mary did not have Innerstanding.

She was not self-defined.

Mary was defined through others, especially Peter, because she hadn’t defined and stood solid in her own beliefs, values and choice.

That was until Mary found her way to our Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). She got to work with Module 1 and then worked her way through Module 2 and Modules 3 and 4.

(You can see the content of these Modules by visiting the NARP web page.)

At around the 3-month mark, Mary reported that Peter no longer triggered her. She had moved past the feelings that he was her authority and she had released her guilt, shame and the terrible hurt of his injustices. Mary had grown her own confidence, boundaries and values, such as:

“I will not respond to disrespect.”
“I know who I am. And that is not the version you speak of.”
“I don’t need you to grant me anything in order to give me my own identity” and
“I’m no longer hanging around to absorb you CRAP! (Trying to Criticise, Reject, Abandon or Punish me for being myself)”

Mary was flexing her Innerstanding muscles. She was already quietly planning her escape from the marriage and working hard with NARP to release any fears that were arising within her to do so.

She was on her way to freedom and Thriving!

Now let’s move on from Mary to Joan.

 

 

 

Wanting Family and Friends to Understand

Joan had been smashed by her narcissistic partner of several years. She had endured terrible discards, affairs and extremely cruel treatment. Joan was suffering from C-PTSD, felt terrible anxiety and depression, and was battling the obsessive ‘stinking thinking’ that goes with narcissistic abuse.

People in Joan’s life believed that because she had separated then she should now be fine. One close friend even told her to “just snap out of it”.

Understandably, Joan wanted people to understand and believe her regarding the insane events that had taken place.Yet the more she talked to people, the more she noticed people pulling away.

Sadly, everyone was distancing themselves from Joan and she was devastated. Joan kept sending people articles and videos and posted information about narcissists on her Facebook page, but to no avail. No-one was listening to her.

Joan didn’t know it but she was trying to alter Quantum Law. She felt terribly alone, traumatised and unsupported on the inside and was trying to change people’s behaviour on the outside in order to try to feel better on the inside.

But as it always is with Quantum Law, this is like putting a cart in front of a horse – it just goes nowhere. The more Joan tried to reverse the way life really works, the worse it backfired on her.

Joan finally found herself in our wonderful NARP community, sequentially working through her NARP Modules. At my suggestion, she also used the bonus Source Healing and Resolution Module to clear the big triggers of panic, despair and heartbreak when they erupted within her.

Joan had stopped trying to get comfort from outside of herself, and had self-partnered, turned inwards and was now dedicated to addressing the pain inside of herself. She shifted powerfully and quickly from feeling like an out-of-control, victimised woman, to feeling deeply held, supported and loved by Prime Creator / Source.

Now she was no longer showing up with others in ways that was colluding with “no-one understands me” by being frantic, needy, toxic and pushing people away with her accusatory “you don’t understand me” energy. Joan no longer ‘needed’ anyone to understand her in order to gain her own peace and Innerstanding.

She already HAD it.

Then others reflected back to her more of the same. Their validation, interest and support started flowing toward her organically.

Innerstanding means this: you are BEING it – and then it comes.

That is precisely what the word “be-come” means!

 

Losing It All To Get It All

Mark was in a toxic job, where many narcissists made everything incredibly unpleasant.

Because Mark believed that his job and boss was his source of security and survival, he stayed. But the price was hefty – Mark was getting sick. He had psoriasis flare-ups, ongoing congestion issues and constant headaches.

Clearly his Inner Being was telling him that he was stuck in Wrongtown! Mark was losing himself and his soul, due to not have a self-defined Innerstanding.

Mark came forth and made contact in our wonderful community because he realised he was being narcissistically abused. He knew he could not see a solution to his issue and felt powerless to leave, with his responsibility to provide for his wife and three kids.

After working with NARP, and specifically lots of Module 8 work, he got the courage to present the facts of bullying and negligent behaviour at one of the general meetings. Mark took a fearless stand for his rights and truths.

Because Mark had done so much inner shift work with NARP, he was no longer attached to outcomes. He was simply coming from the Innerstanding of “When I speak and stand in truth, without fear, the outer Universe must follow.”

To his ecstatic surprise, the big boss looked him up after the meeting and offered him a promotion in another of the company’s centres. Mark was even more thrilled to discover that this centre was free of narcissistic infiltration and he had never been happier in his working life.

Was this massive shift in circumstances a coincidence? No, of course not! It was generated from Mark’s Innerstanding. He had been prepared to lose it all to get it all – to do what was right, to stand up in conviction, conscience and integrity, no matter what.

No more was he going to sell his soul. Mark was totally determined to leave if his values weren’t respected, or even be fired if management couldn’t accept what he had to say.

Instead Quantum Law delivered – so within so without. As it must … and always does.

 

In Conclusion

I really believe all of us can see ourselves in these three examples and they can be applied to every area of our life.

The real questions are, where do we have energy leaks? Where are we in lack? Where do we hand our power away because of fear? Where are we dismissing what we know we need to do deep down inside because of fear, feelings of dependency, guilt or obligation, or because of needing to be defined by others?

Innerstanding is not arrogant. It is calm, powerful and peaceful. It feels great. It is absolutely ‘Righttown!’.

And the best thing of all is that it changes your life beyond recognition as you start to generate, create and enjoy the TRUE life you were born to live.

Innerstanding is Quantum, and Quanta Freedom Healing in NARP is what allows you to lose your fear and limits, shift powerfully on the inside and emerge as self-defined, backing yourself and walking the life you wish to live from the depth of your soul and spirit.

Which makes it real. This isn’t produced from mere ideas in your head.