CoDA Weekly Reading

 

The Long Road

My name is Christine, and I am a gratefully recovering codependent. I just celebrated 10 years in CoDA. This program has changed my life in so many ways. The Promises continue to come true for me. And I finally love and value myself.

It was a long road. My people-pleasing and need to control led me into twenty years of relationships with emotionally unavailable rageaholics, repeating the uncomfortable and fear-filled relationship I had with my father. I did everything for my partners. Everything! But got abused in return. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Surely it had to be my fault. If I just made life easier for them (and worse for myself), I would finally get the love and acceptance I deserved.

Finally getting into CoDA at the age of 39, I was able to untangle how I got to my codependent bottom in 2013. I went to meetings and worked the Steps, in blind faith. And slowly, I saw light and I walked towards it. Today, I am married to a wonderful person who is emotionally available and who is working on their own life and health. The Promises say, "All my new and renewed relationships are with equal partners." YES. Also, I am dealing with my family in a way which is "safe for me and respectful of them." Sometimes I wish I had started earlier, but I was only ready when I was ready.

I look forward to the rest of my life with hope and joy. I look back in gratitude for all the steps that led me here, and for CoDA, which showed me that a better life was possible.

Christine G. 11/14/23