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“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
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The past few months have been beyond stressful for me.
I’ve gone from being overworked to extremely exhausted in a matter of days. I’ve battled health issues, recovered only to find myself even more tired! And I’ve realised that no matter how hard you try or how disciplined you are (which I am!), life will find something or other to challenge you with. Those curveballs never stop coming, eh!
It’s during these times when we need to pay more attention to ourselves and up our self-care quotient in order to stay grounded and navigate them better.
Almost every second person I interact or work with makes this error when it comes to taking care of themselves—waiting for things to settle down or find the right time to indulge in self-care. And that’s the biggest mistake one can ever make! Simply because self-care is not something that you do at a particular time or need some special opportunity for; it’s an essential that keeps you up and running even even when times are tough. It is what grounds you, stabilises you during those moments of chaos and stress.
If it is so essential, then why do we let it slip into the background? Why do we struggle to prioritise our mental, emotional, and physical well-being so much?
The most common excuse that we end up giving for neglecting our needs is lack of time, and at times, it is indeed the case. When there are a lot of things on our plate, we do tend to put ourselves on the backburner to be able to do justice to other things which are more pressing and need our time, attention, and energy. But this only works if it is for a short duration, and even then, one can find plenty of ways to take care of oneself! So, is it really about time then?
Maybe not. It really does boil down to our outlook around self-care, and most importantly, our own selves. After all, self-care is really about priortising one’s own self isn’t it? And the fundamental question is: are you really that important in your life? Can you give a few minutes or hours from your day or week to your own self? Can you take some time away from your roles, responsibilities, and duties to simply be with yourself?
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.” ~ Anna Quindlen
For those who struggle to embrace the idea of self-care actually struggle to embrace themselves. This is further aggravated by the presence of certain other ways of being with one’s own self that keep coming in the way of adequate and effective self-care such as:
1. Perfectionism: Perfectionists often set impossibly high standards for themselves, leading to an all-or-nothing mentality. They may feel that if they can’t do something perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all. This can prevent them from engaging in self-care activities, which they might see as less important than achieving their goals.
2. Guilt: Many people feel guilty for taking time for themselves, believing it to be selfish or indulgent. This guilt can stem from societal or cultural norms that prioritise self-sacrifice and productivity over personal well-being.
3. Low Self-Worth: Individuals with low self-esteem may not believe they deserve self-care. They might prioritize others’ needs over their own because they don’t value themselves highly enough to consider their well-being a priority.
4. Over-Identification with Roles: People often identify strongly with their roles, such as being a parent, caregiver, or professional. This strong identification can lead them to neglect their own needs, as they focus solely on fulfilling their roles.
5. Belief in Constant Productivity: The belief that one must always be productive can be a significant barrier to self-care. Individuals who equate their worth with their productivity may see self-care as a waste of time that could be spent on more “productive” activities.
6. All-or-Nothing Thinking: This mindset involves seeing situations in black-and-white terms. People with this mindset might think that if they can’t dedicate a large amount of time to self-care, it’s not worth doing at all. They may overlook the benefits of small, incremental acts of self-care.
7. Comparison to Others: Constantly comparing oneself to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and the belief that self-care is not as important as keeping up with others’ achievements or lifestyles. This can create pressure to prioritize external validation over internal well-being.
8. Fear of Missing Out (FOMO): The fear of missing out can lead people to overcommit and say yes to too many activities and responsibilities. This leaves little time for self-care, as they are constantly trying to be involved in everything.
9. Lack of Self-Awareness: At times, people may not be in tune with their own needs and emotions, making it difficult for them to recognize when they need self-care. This lack of self-awareness can result in neglecting their well-being.
10. Prioritizing Immediate Gratification: Individuals who prioritize immediate gratification may struggle with self-care because it often requires delaying gratification for long-term benefits. They may choose activities that provide instant pleasure or relief over those that promote sustained well-being.
11. Belief that Self-Care is Selfish: The belief that self-care is inherently selfish can be and often is a significant barrier. This mindset can be especially prevalent in individuals who have been taught to always put others first or who have grown up in environments that devalue self-care.
12. Internalized Stress and Overwhelm: Chronic stress and feelings of overwhelm can create a mental state where self-care feels like an additional burden rather than a relief. In such cases, the idea of adding one more thing to their to-do list, even if it’s beneficial, can feel daunting.
All of these internal blocks keep you under constant stress and overwhelm and end up doing the opposite of what you would like to happen. For example, being in a constant state of activity and action and neglecting your mental and emotional and physical needs ends up depleting you of your internal resources completely and makes you susceptible to anger, agitation, exhaustion, and burnout. It also leads to and increases feelings of hopelessness and helplessness because you end up becoming disconnected from your own thoughts, emotions, and feel out of control.
Self-care is about holding your ground and retaining your power in the face of chaos. This is what anchors you to take on whatever life throws at you. It’s not selfish. It’s necessary for surviving and thriving.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” ~ Anne Lamott
While life will keep getting in the way, it is important for each one of us to identify and hold onto what connects and stabilises us. Small things do have a huge impact on our overall well-being.
Here are a few self-care practices that we can and need to embrace not only when things are smooth, steady, and calm but more so when they are all over the place:
1. Mindful breathing: Who says you have to meditate for hours in order to feel relaxed and grounded? While doing that offers amazing benefits, it’s not necessary. All you need to do is take out 15-20 minutes in a day to simply close your eyes and focus on your breathing. If that also feels too much, 10 minutes of mindful breathing is enough to slow your system down.
2. Journaling: If writing is your thing, then you need to take out some time during your day to simply check in with yourself and pour your heart out in your journal. Trust me, it works!
3. Walking: Not only does it give your body much needed physical activity, but it reduces stress, improves your mood, and allows you to disconnect from the chaos of daily life.
4. Connecting with nature: There is nothing more amazing and calming than spending time in nature.
5. Cleaning: It is therapeutic in its own way apart from giving you the obvious benefits associated with having a clean space. When my mind feels cluttered, I often find myself putting on music and cleaning my table or wardrobe. It allows me to declutter my thoughts as well.
6. Ask for help: Because if you don’t, you will lose your productivity, efficiency, and peace of mind. We can’t do everything on our own, and recognising that is a huge act of self-care.
7. Say no: To the things that drain you, overwhelm you, or you’re struggling with in the moment to preserve your sanity and energy.
8. Take a time-out: Go out on long drives, shop, or take yourself out for coffee or dinner—either alone or with your friends and family. Step away from the madness for some time to find your peace.
9. Take a shower: This one never fails! Water is therapeutic. When feeling exhausted or overwhelmed, take a nice, long bath and see how it will instantly relax your muscles and mind!
10. Take a power nap: 20 minutes is good enough to recharge your system.
There are so many other things that we can do. While the list is endless, it’s important to pick up a few, experiment, and see which ones enable you to ground yourself, and then it’s about being consistent with them so that when stressful times come, your mind and body already have them on auto-pilot and can steer you toward yourself when you start going haywire.
Remember, you more than anybody else need your love, care, and attention. This is and should be nonnegotiable.
“Remember always that you have not only the right to be an individual; you have an obligation to be one.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
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