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What is life without love?
Love is one of my favorite things I get to do in this world.
My very first memory of love was the day my mother brought home our first puppy. He was a mutt of sorts and appeared unkempt and messy. I think my parents found him on the streets, but I loved him anyway. From the moment I laid eyes on him, my heart exploded into tiny little illuminations all over every inch of my being.
Growing up, I experienced love all around me. Our house was filled with so much love. My mother loved us unconditionally. I don’t think I understood it was love that I was experiencing at the time, but I knew it was pure happiness.
Love was the light in my life. Everything was just a bit sweeter with this vibe all around me.
When I was 12, I developed a crush on the boy next door. Oh, did my heart beat a little bit faster every time I was near him. Is this me falling in love?
We became friends and did everything together. I could feel him crushing on me too. We even started holding hands whenever we walked through the park. My heart was so happy. This has to be me falling in love!
And then I moved away. It was my first heartbreak. I didn’t understand what was going on. This never happened to all that love I grew up with. That love never moved away.
As time moved on, I forgot him, and the slight ache left in my heart.
I started “really” dating in my teens, and I soon discovered that it was a sh*t show. I thought my heart ached when I was 12; this was a nightmare. I didn’t just move away this time, people were actively breaking my heart on purpose. I was falling in and out of love repeatedly. I was exhausted by the time I reached my 20s.
By my mid-20s, my heart had healed on its own and I set out to find my true love, my soulmate, the one I was supposed to be with. Only to be knocked on my ass by almost heart-stopping hurt and pain.
This was not what I signed up for. Where was the love that once lit up my world? With each blow, I was losing sight of the love I had within me. Casting doubt about who I was and all the things that weren’t lovable about me. That doubt put a permanent hold on the love I once gave away so freely. Which caused an armor to form around my heart to protect it at all costs. And I decided to shut out love completely. Why would anyone want love? It was downright awful.
In the quiet of the night, I missed that love that I once cherished so dearly. Night after night, the silence tore through me causing demons to erupt within. The depression took full control and spilled into the daylight causing a ripple effect of a loneliness I never felt before. Doubt filled my core. Without love, the light was gone, and I was left stumbling in the darkest of days even when the sun shined.
As the days turned into nights and the years passed me by, I was drowning.
Until one night—I remember it so clearly, it was one of my darkest nights—when all of a sudden, I felt the beat of my own heart. And I knew there was time to save the love that was buried in myself.
I had some work to do, but I was confident I could get there. I started to dig deep for direction on where to begin. Then it came to me: it was my mind, body, and soul that would lead me back to love.
This is how I found love again using my mind, body, and soul.
My mind.
I’ve heard that the brain plays a role in feeling love. The brain releases chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin that can make us feel happy and excited, which creates feelings of attachment or sometimes almost addiction type feelings to our romantic interest.
But what I didn’t know was I was in control of what I did with love. Instead of looking for validation of love from the outside, I focused on showing myself love first and foremost. I began to really look at myself and use those chemicals that my brain released on myself. So, when all that dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin released itself, I fell in love with myself wholly.
I showed myself kindness. Giving myself all the love I knew I had inside of me. I began to count all my beautiful blessings. Look at how lucky I was. I had this amazing life, and it was something to be proud of. Appreciating all the things I accomplished each day, week, month, and through the years. I stopped using my time and energy worrying about things that just didn’t matter.
Loving my mind helped me break away the armor around my heart.
My body.
I began to love every part of my body. All those parts I used to hide from my partner. All those parts of myself I was too embarrassed to show. I learned to love all of the things I never really liked about myself.
Without all the noise, I was able to really listen to what my body was telling me. When it needed food. When it was demanding exercise or required rest. I became familiar with my body and the language it was speaking.
I stopped caring about what the scale said or worrying about every curve. Instead of working out to lose weight, I worked out to be strong and healthy. Instead of dieting or starving myself, I ate healthy because my body needed fuel to function.
I showed my body love and care every day.
I gave thanks to the universe and showed gratitude for all my body was capable of doing. Protecting everything inside, feeling the cool air on a chilly fall evening, the taste of coffee in the mornings, and being able to hug important people in my life.
I started to hold my head up high as I functioned through the day. I am confident. I am happy. I am strong.
Loving my body helped me develop compassion for myself and appreciation for who I was.
My soul.
Once my mind and body were onboard, my soul followed suit quickly.
I felt energized and inspired. Love was radiating inside every part of me and starting to push its way out into the world. The love was entwining with my soul and becoming a part of who I was. I was love, every part of me.
Comfort and security amplified my being. I was able to express myself openly without fear of judgment or criticism because I became my most authentic self.
Love had returned with a goddamn vengeance. I am goddamn love.
Always allow love in with your entire mind, body, and soul. Always give love from deep within yourself. It will bring you pure happiness every single day.
Our journey is all about trusting love.
Love is f*cking everything.
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