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{*Did you know you can write on Elephant? Here’s how—big changes: How to Write & Make Money or at least Be of Benefit on Elephant. ~ Waylon}
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One great thing about being a good listener is the ability to hear various perspectives.
I prefer to listen over speak in most situations, particularly group situations. After all, I already know what’s happening in my head, and I enjoy listening to other people’s views. I especially enjoy paying attention to word choice, how people phrase things and, most importantly, how they talk about themselves.
For some reason, most of my friends and acquaintances are more mature than I am. It’s an absolute joy (and incredibly helpful at times) to connect with people with more life experience. I rarely encounter situations these people haven’t been through.
I have noticed a pattern with most people I speak and engage with. Some of them have been through the most heart-wrenching challenges life can throw our way; they have all experienced tumultuous periods at some point (or many points) throughout their lives (as we all do). I believe we all experience trauma on some level if we live long enough. And yet, beyond death and, for some, public speaking, one fear regularly surfaces once people begin lowering their invisible walls: the fear of being alone.
The stigma that comes with being alone.
As a 36-year-old solo woman, I’m highly qualified to make this assessment: the public perception of being alone (or single) is a slippery slope. While things are changing, a lot of shame and stereotyping are still prevalent around solo living. Some pity single people, others overstep their boundaries, and many don’t understand that someone can be perfectly okay and content with not being coupled. At a societal level, being single often indicates that something is “wrong.”
Other people’s perceptions don’t phase me. I know who I am and what I choose to pour my energy into, and I prefer to focus on my relationship with myself above all else. I have nothing against relationships; it’s beautiful when two people come together and add positively to one another’s lives. However, we need to accept that people walk their own paths in this world, and for several reasons, they may very well wind up alone. Everyone sometimes experiences loneliness and disconnection anyway, even in relationships; it’s part of the human experience.
Romantic relationships are only one form of connection.
As I have matured and collected more life experience, I’ve come to value friendship more. I’m not talking about the random people who message me once a year for my birthday or those who conveniently drop in and out of my life (I am not a fan, for the record). I’m referring to the people who know everything (well, as much as I am willing to share) about me and still show up to support me; the kind of friends who let me know when I’m out of line but who are also capable of holding space for me when needed. These types of friends are few and far between in my experience, and I can count them on one hand (I don’t even need my whole hand), but they help me to breathe when I feel like life has winded me beyond belief.
Do you know who you are?
At first glance, this may seem like a silly question. The rather inconvenient truth is that even though people often neglect their inner work and self-development, the longest relationship we’ll ever have is with ourselves. With the 24/7 noise and demands of modern life, it’s easy to forget that life is not forever and that a new day is never guaranteed. Sometimes, it is easier to look outward because it’s too painful to connect with our truth. The only certainty is death; in the meantime, I encourage you to live like it’s your last day. To know you have a purpose, however big or small. To know that if you believe in something, anything is possible.
If you genuinely fear ending up alone, I understand. I have my moments, too. However, I’d like to counteract some of my own worst fears while hoping to speak and connect with you, too.
The fear of ageing alone.
So many people are anxious about having no one to grow old with. “Who will look after me when I’m old?” That’s a genuine question someone put forward one time during a conversation. Thanks to my connection with my older friends, I’ve understood that you can feel just as alone with a partner and kids. Life has changed, and we shouldn’t expect anyone to give up their life to care for us. Nothing is lonelier than being in a partnership where you don’t feel seen, heard, valued, and listened to. The road to loneliness isn’t a one-way street.
Financial woes.
Managing finances, particularly in retirement, can be more difficult without a companion. As I mentioned earlier, society is geared toward coupled living. Less is sometimes more, and in my experience, once you have enough to survive and meet your basic needs, more money doesn’t make you happier. I know millionaires living like they are on the poverty line and others struggling to live like millionaires. Money is a human construct; it’s neutral. We give it meaning. You can always educate yourself about money. Often, fear stems from feeling overwhelmed and way outside our comfort zone.
The fear of judgement.
So many of us are caught up in how others see us. Who cares? Firstly, people don’t think about us nearly as much as we believe. Everyone has their own lives and struggles. But here’s the thing: even when we enter someone’s thoughts, there is always something to be judged for. Not enough money, being single, weight, likes, dislikes, and so on. The list is endless. Even when people think something about us, it’s fleeting. Once I understood that no one spends time fixating on me, life became much more comfortable.
The fear of ending up alone is complex and multifaceted. It touches on our deep-seated emotional needs, societal pressures, and personal insecurities. As humans, we are social creatures—there’s no denying that. What if our relationship status was irrelevant and instead we consciously choose to live in the moment? In the present because now is all we really have. Isn’t that a wild proposal?
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