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I have a good friend who is convinced everything is too late for her.
On a girls trip, we all got tattoos. In the moment it was fun. Afterwards came the spiral: it’s too late for me to get tattoos. On another trip, we talked about getting piercings. Hard no. It’s too late for that too.
The three of us, all ranging in ages and at different stages of our lives, will talk about children. The too late friend in her early 30s is afraid if she doesn’t have a child yesterday then it’s too late.
And I understand where the anxiety comes from. I too, feel it. I’m approaching my 40s, single, no children, and nowhere near where I thought I would be in my life; I feel the dread set in.
Is it too late for me to have the life I always wanted?
Will I ever find the love of my life, settle down, and have kids?
Add social media into the mix and I find myself spiraling further. There isn’t enough time in the day to do a 45-step wellness routine before work, get your protein in, meditate, find a dream man, journal, get Botox, quit your 9-5 and start an empire. The list goes on and on.
As a child, I couldn’t wait to grow up. It meant I could be free. Yet, as an adult, I feel anything but free.
With every step I take forward, I still feel like I’m 12 steps behind everyone else. I think it’s okay to be unsatisfied with where you are; dissatisfaction is often what sparks growth. But do we really turn into a pumpkin if we don’t have all the boxes checked by the time we’re 30?
Society might make us feel like it, but I have to call bullsh*t on the whole thing.
You see, last weekend I went to my grandpa’s wedding. Yes, my almost 78-year-old grandpa got married. Again.
Two years ago, my grandmother passed. A woman he spent every single day with since they were teenagers. We bonded through our grief because just a few years prior, I too, lost the person I thought I would spend my life with.
We cried, we laughed, and we talked every day. I let him know it’s okay if he found someone else who made him happy, even if the family at-large had feelings about it.
A year or so later, he happened to find that person. She is also a widow and lost her husband over two decades ago. While it may have been weird to some to see him move on, it was beautiful to bear witness to the two of them up at the altar overwhelmed with joy.
It made me realize if they can find love at this stage in life, it’s really never too late to do anything.
You see, our brains love to keep us small by finding all the reasons why we can’t do something. It’s a safety mechanism.
It’s easier to make an excuse to not go to the gym than it is to get up early, put on your sweats, and go. This can be applied to just about any goal or glimmer of self-betterment.
For me, it’s largely been around starting a business and breaking through the fear of being seen. But at the end of the day, is the potential to fail any worse than dying inside at a 9-5? No, not really.
So no, while I may not be exactly happy in my current state, I also know it’s not forever.
Nothing is.
Jobs come and go. So do people. And money. And fads. And (hopefully) this era of influencers and their 97-step get hot routines.
I think what we all need is to accept ourselves, and the season we’re actually in. It’s never too late. Share your story, start the business, take the trip, get the belly button piercing, and just f*cking love ourselves. Everything else will fall into place.
You’re not behind. You’re blooming.
~
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