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What My Father’s Mantra Taught Me about Strength & Love.
My dad, who recently passed away, always had this saying that he told me at the end of every face-to-face conversation, and it was the last thing he always told me on the phone.
He would say, “Remember, you are as strong as a German oak.”
I always smiled and assured him my full understanding of this and never hesitated to agree with him wholeheartedly.
More than any other statement he made, I associate this phrase with my dad and everything he embodied in heart and soul. And I feel he wanted me to instill this mantra in myself and carry it with me, no matter where or how far I would go in this world.
He began using the phrase after I moved out and ventured far from home. I believe, unknowingly at the time, we both lost a small part of ourselves by pulling apart and with his mantra, he let me know that I always have a home. Purely based on my roots and our strong connection.
The phrase isn’t just words placed together to form a sentence. It reminds me of his love for the outdoors, how important it is to stay grounded, never forget where you are coming from, and to remember where your roots truly lie.
In Germany, we have a general symbolism of the German Oak leaf that can be found in many armors uniforms, coins, and general symbolism throughout the ages. There are many oak trees in German forests and I grew up amongst a lot of them, making memories with my dad venturing through the outdoors hunting, fishing, and gathering berries and mushrooms.
I think that I never realized how much it really meant to him that I never forget my roots and my ties to him.
Growing up we were like two peas in a pot. I always knew exactly how we felt and what he was thinking without ever saying a word. Even as a child I took care of him, and we strengthened our connection by doing many activities together, whether they were home improvement, building things, or taking care of our little farm full of small animals.
I wanted so badly to be just like him because, to me, he always presented a strong sense of integrity, honesty, and the importance of truly being yourself no matter what anybody else thinks.
He always told me that it’s better to be disliked than to be liked for something or someone that you’re not.
I will miss him beyond words and more than words could ever explain, but I will continue to make him proud and carry him with me in my heart and my memories, no matter where I go. And most importantly, I will carry with me his mantra until my own last breath.
I realize now that he spent my whole life preparing me for the moment he would no longer physically be with me and therefore, gave me something that transcends physical presence. His mantra symbolizes the true core and integrity of his personality and it meant so much to him passing it on to me.
I believe it is important to pay attention to the little things that people try to convey to us when we are around them.
We often take their presence for granted.
But one day there comes a time when they no longer will be, and it is up to us to carry on their values, often closely linked to our own.
We can only aim to leave a positive and impactful footprint of our own legacy in this world because at the end of the day, that’s all there is.
It’s not about physical things.
It’s about the meaning of life, what we tie to it, and how we carry it with us and bring it forward. Because only those memories will leave a true mark that can be passed on in infinity…if we dare and are brave enough to do so.
My dad did not have a big funeral. Good. Because he would not have liked it any other way. He would not have wanted people there he didn’t truly connect with in his living years. The weather was perfect, as if he ordered it himself. It was freezing and the frost covered the trees, bushes, and grounds of the cemetery. The sun was peaking through the naked branches and a slight breeze crossed the ground. We stood right below a large oak tree and every once in a while, the breeze blew the frost from the branches and it seemed like snow was falling. Every few minutes I saw an oak leaf blowing from the tree out in front of me and land in my view, as if my dad was waving from afar, letting me know that he was still with me.
I pictured him in his usual outdoor attire, walking alongside his dog through the forest on the frozen, crunchy grass of his hunting grounds—his happy place. And even though my heart ached with grief, I felt deep gratitude that he was given such a perfect winter day as a send off. The universe definitely had his back that day.
And in that very moment, I learned something important: the two things that will change you for the rest of your life are love and grief.
My dad was not perfect by any means, but at his core, he was the kind of person many aspire to be, and one that I will always remember and try my best to embody every day.
People may not remember me when I’m gone, but I hope I will leave at least one person with something that makes them think of me when encountering a specific situation. That’s all I can hope for, because that’s what truly matters.
Everything we do makes an impact. It’s up to each individual to decide what impact we want to make.
~
“What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make.” ~ Jane Goodall
author: Antje Arnold
Image: Author's Own
Editor: Molly Murphy
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