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When you become a parent, it’s easy to feel pulled in every direction.
People start throwing advice at you the moment you get pregnant, whether you asked for it or not. Once the baby arrives, the noise only gets louder. Depending on your choices, some people will cheer you on, while others will act like you are doing everything wrong.
When I first started breastfeeding my newborn, everyone supported me. Friends and family applauded my choice, especially since nursing seems less common these days. Most mothers aim for six months or a full year. At the time, I had no set timeline. I just went with the flow, hoping to reach at least one year so my baby could build up his immunity.
Throughout that first year, the feedback was purely positive. Everyone praised my decision and kept reminding me how crucial breastfeeding was for a baby’s health. Fast forward three years, I’m still breastfeeding my toddler. He only nurses two or three times a day now—and some days he forgets about it entirely—but we both still enjoy that quiet connection.
The people around us, however, aren’t enjoying it.
When I entered my second year of nursing, I expected the same encouragement. After all, extended breastfeeding carries real benefits for both mother and child. What I did not realize back then was that their applause was never really about the benefits. It was about their personal standards of what’s normal. And in their minds, nursing past year one was completely unnecessary.
That was when the uncomfortable questions started:
“Why are you still doing that?”
“Are you sure your milk still has any value?”
“Isn’t this making him too dependent on you?”
“When are you finally going to wean him?”
Some people even made me feel guilty for nursing my two-year-old to sleep. For a while, their comments got to me. I felt defensive, and I even started hiding the truth just to avoid their judgment and fit in. Now, three years in, I no longer care.
What I wish I had known from day one is simple: people will judge you anyway.
Whether you breastfeed or use formula, whether you homeschool or send your kids to school, whether you co-sleep or use a crib, whether you potty train at one or at three, someone will judge your decision.
As parents, our choices will never satisfy everyone. People love to criticize parents because suddenly everyone considers themselves an expert on raising children. Realizing this helped me stop trying to fit into everyone else’s vision. My parenting choices belong to me alone. Whether people agree with them or not is their problem, not mine.
If you’re a parent reading this, trust your instincts. Learn to tune out the surrounding noise and listen to your own voice. Other people’s opinions can get so loud that they pull you away from what actually matters.
Even if you parent outside the norm, you will still face criticism. So stop looking for outside approval to validate your worth. You’re doing a great job, and you don’t need their permission.
Extended nursing is okay.
Co-sleeping is okay.
Homeschooling is okay.
Whatever path you thoughtfully choose for your child is okay. What is not okay is letting anyone shame you for making decisions you strongly believe in. Own your choices; they are entirely yours.
author: Elyane Youssef
Image: Author's own
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