I want to have a check in with you.
We’re in the final stretch of the month of Virgo and teshuvah has been the work of this whole month: the honest review, the amends, the slow return to our truest selves. Maybe you spent the month, diligently committed to your teshuvah practice or maybe you saved it all until, well, right now. Maybe you’re only now examining that relationship you were going to repair. The habit you were going to break. Maybe you went through the steps and made your repairs… but have yet to address that one person you want to forgive. Maybe the person you can’t seem to forgive is yourself…
So, let me ask: how is it going? No really, how is it going?The Great Disguiser
Rav Ashlag taught that 99% of everything we do is to gratify ourselves. Ninety-nine percent. The ego is behind nearly all of it, and its favorite trick is that we often can’t see it working.
How seriously should we take this? Both the Baal Shem Tov and Rav Ashlag, as they were leaving this world, used some of their final words to say the same thing: please don’t let my ego overtake me. Imagine that. Two of the holiest souls who ever lived, taking their last breath, still watching for the ego because they understood how strong its grip is, and how well it hides. Right up to the very end.
There are two ways ego can subtly arise for us and here is how you can most easily spot it:
If You’re Feeling Behind
If you’re in the anxious, urgent, or guilty camp: pause and take a breath.
I need you to hear this clearly: there’s not a single teaching that tells us “time to be perfect!” This is all about progress, review, return, repair. About honestly facing yourself and turning back toward the Light. The process itself is uncertain, unknown, and not without challenge, messiness, and vulnerability.
And the negative thoughts that may be coming up: the fear, the guilt, the “I haven’t done enough”, the harsh little voice is not proof that you’re getting wrong. It’s actually proof that you’re getting it right. That’s part of the process and that voice is surfacing because you’ve been doing the work. Beating yourself up might feel like diligence but it’s actually just your ego keeping the spotlight on you. Feeling “bad” is not the same as doing the work and here’s why: forgiveness.
The kabbalists teach that we can only forgive others to the degree that we can forgive ourselves. So start there. Notice your harsh judgments, criticisms, or any other ways ego might be stealing the show and offer them all compassion. Talk to them, seek to understand those parts, clarify the ways they were just trying to keep you safe, and release them with gratitude.
Diminishing ourselves might feel like humility, but without self-love it’s just another form of ego.
If You’re Feeling Really Complete: Look Again
And if you’re in the other camp feeling clear, complete, ready for the new year, that’s wonderful. I mean that. And… let’s quickly double-check to make sure the same stowaway isn’t in the room.
I have two questions for you.
First: when you made your amends this month, did you take in how they actually landed for the other person? Or did you check a box?
Because teshuvah is not a to-do list. The empathy step asks you to feel how your actions affected the other person. The compassion step reminds you that it was never about clearing your name or getting someone to see your side. It’s about them and about your accountability. So it’s worth asking honestly: did you return to those people and really repair or did you complete a task and move on feeling good about yourself?
Second: Is there just one more thing? That one situation, that one person, that one habit or secret that you maybe filed under “I’ll get to it later”? The ego loves “later.” “Later” is how it guards the things we most need to look at. The review step asks you to dig deep and the thing you’re avoiding is almost always the thing worth digging for.
And maybe it isn’t there. But just in case, in this last week, as the Creator to show you what you may have missed.
This Week, Take the Deepest Dive Yet
Now we have a map!
Any fear or doubt could be pointing right at the self-focus that is asking for release. If you’re feeling confident and complete, that ease might be pointing at something you don’t want to see. Either way, you now know where to look which makes this final week the opportunity for the deepest dive of the whole month. Over these final days of the month, I invite you to do these three things:
Ask to be shown. Connect to the Light and ask to be led to what still needs your attention.
Have acceptance. Whatever arises, don’t rush to repair it. Just acknowledge it and give yourself time to accept it. If it was hiding out it’s probably very tender. Be gentle.
Check on someone. Do for another person what we just did together: reach out and ask how they’re doing. Listen actively, get curious, and be fully present.
Anxious or ready, no one arrives perfectly. And teshuvah is an inside job, only you can gauge how deeply you’re showing up. Even if you ask to be shown this week and nothing comes up, you can know that everything you did was enough. You will be able to turn all of it over and welcome a new year, and new you, at Rosh Hashanah.
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