Step
Four
Putting
myself on the list was a big eye-opener. I recognized how others rejected and
abused me. I treated myself the way my mother taught me to treat myself. But I
never realized or thought about how I had abandoned myself, abused myself,
neglected myself, punished myself; in other words, continued the cycle. This
was a totally new concept to me.
I
had to look at how I had rejected my Higher Power by taking things into my own
hands and making a mess of my life. I set aside my moral compass. I sought out
sex when I wanted love. I said what I thought someone wanted to hear. I bailed
irresponsible men out of financial jams. I had no self-respect, no boundaries.
I believed all the lies my mother had taught me since toddlerhood. And all
along God was there to help me — and I gave Him a slap in the face.
Once
the awareness was brought to light I no longer had to hide in the darkness. I
could work on forgiving myself. Then I could move on and start forgiving others
as I finally saw my part in my dysfunctional actions and the choices I had
made.
I
learned that asking for forgiveness is all about me. It has nothing to do with
the other person. Forgiving myself was the hardest. Eventually I could ask God
for His forgiveness — which was there all along for the asking.
A
Fourth Step is not a One and Done! As I work my Program new awareness comes
into my life in areas I never saw before or wasn’t ready to face. My Higher
Power reveals my character defects to me as I can handle facing them. Then I
need to return to a Fourth Step in that area of my life.
Only
then can I begin to live the Promise: “I release myself from worry, guilt, and
regret about my past and present. I am aware enough not to repeat it.” Thank
God for Co-Dependents Anonymous!!
Ali
- 12/30/2021
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