It’s true, many people within this community realised they were being abused by a toxic individual later in life as opposed to earlier. In fact, the majority of our wonderful community here, seeking help, are in their 40’s and over.
Recovery, later in life, can feel devastating and incredibly traumatising, whoever this impactful person is, whether they are a parent, family member, spouse, or friend. The losses and fallout can be so extreme that everything you thought was your life is rubble at your feet. Narcissistic relationships wrack up big losses – to your emotional, mental and physical health, property and finances, and the destruction of who and what is precious to you.
Most of the people in this community, by the time the narcissistic relationship has smashed them, are looking at a complete and utter rebuild of virtually everything.
Is it possible at any age?
How do you get over all the lost years, the beating yourself up that you threw so much love, energy and resources down the drain … and for what?
It’s almost unbearable to accept that you have to start all over again.
Maybe you believe you are too old now, that your best years are gone, that you are not attractive enough anymore, that you have nothing to offer, and that it’s just too late for you.
Because you don’t want to suffer and be alone and you think it’s too late to heal, you might just try to get up and get on with it, numb out the pain, and hope for the best.
Possibly that isn’t working out well for you because the terrible feelings of loss, loneliness and pain continue. Your life doesn’t feel fulfilling at all, and you wonder how on earth, after all your efforts, life ended up like this.
Was it meant to?
Is life some cruel joke?
How can you get life right, later in life, when you have never understood or experienced how it is supposed to work? What if you just don’t have the capacity or ability to do this? How on earth can you learn how to make relationships and your life work healthily now, when it never has?
I promise you with all of my heart that these were the traumatic feelings and thoughts that were plaguing me at 40 years of age. I truly thought my life was finished, and that there was going to be no way to rebuild and recover.
But, my Soul had a completely different plan, and so does yours, no matter what age you are.
Today, I want to share with you the 3 reasons why you are never too old to recover from narcissistic abuse, and in doing so I want to share with you 3 real life Thriver stories that I hope from the bottom of my heart will inspire you.
Number 1 – You Don’t Need To Learn How To Thrive
Our first “ageless” truth is that your healing is NOT about learning how to Thrive. Rather, it is about UN-learning how not to.
Let me introduce to you Dot, one of our most senior Thrivers. When I met Dot, she was in her late 70’s. Let’s jump straight into her background – Dot as a child was the scapegoat of a narcissistic parent and her only love relationships were four narcissistic relationships (three marriages and one de facto/common law marriage).
Dot had never experienced healthy relationships and had only ever known narcissistic abuse. She started healing with my NARP Program whilst she was still with her third husband.
As Dot freed herself from the beliefs and traumas of, “If I don’t please and fix you, you will hurt me and won’t love me” she took her power back detached from him, got legal pro bono help and filed for divorce and initiated the sale of their home. Every time he tried to hook her back in with threats, love bombing, or guilt, she kept shifting out her triggers and stayed on course.
The house sold, he capitulated and gave her a more than fair settlement (yes it happens often in our community of Thrivers!) and then she moved out into a retirement village unit and stayed committed to her healings.
Dot met a gentleman in her retirement village 10 years her junior. They fell in love. This time her relationship was completely different, in the following ways …
Dot no longer pandered to people, she had healed from that old way of being. She had started learning piano and was writing a book when she met him. She was already feeling more “herself” than she ever had. This man “saw” her, because Dot was a “self” now, rather than just trying to be what she thought everyone else wanted her to be.
This man was kind and generous, he adored Dot as much as she was honouring and healing her own Inner Being.
Dot reported she now had real, kind, supportive love. She knew how to speak up, ask for help and what she wanted and be in a relationship in a real way. This was natural for her, without her previous traumas that weren’t allowing her to be herself for real.
Dot hadn’t needed to learn how to be “herself, she had needed to let go of the old life and internal traumas she had carried since a child that were not allowing her to be her True Self.
Number 2 – It Doesn’t Matter What You Have Lost
Our second “ageless” truth is the compensation that comes on all levels when you honour the value of your Soul.
Another lovely lady who I will call Leslie (to protect her identity) had been married to an extremely powerful and wealthy narcissist since her late teens. She was in her 60’s and traumatised beyond measure. The older he got the more his addictions, debauchery, illicit dealings, and abuse worsened. Leslie was now being physically as well as mentally and emotionally abused.
Leslie had never worked. He wouldn’t let her. He was connected with very powerful people and had told her that if she left, she would get nothing from him and threatened her life if she tried to.
Whilst he was out of the house (which was often) Leslie worked the NARP Modules continuously to release herself from the feelings of being trapped and terrorised. One day she got the courage to get out of the house and see a domestic violence support person. Soon after that she escaped to a woman’s shelter with nothing but a suitcase.
In the shelter she continued working on herself and healing. She did not want to try to combat him in court, she was just fighting for her own freedom and sanity, having decided to put her Soul determinedly first. She let go of the need for the mansion, fancy cars and all that went with her previous life. As the fear of her husband melted away, he moved one of his mistresses into the house and lost interest in harassing her.
A friend of hers she hadn’t heard from for years contacted her. This friend lived in the countryside and offered her to stay in a cabin next to her art gallery, in exchange for working in it.
Leslie accepted and loved working in the art gallery. She connected with the community, made friends, and started doing her own sculptures and designs. They were selling! Leslie reported that she was feeling the happiest and most content she could ever remember, with her authentic and much more minimal new life.
One day a man came into the art gallery, and they connected. They are both loved in the community, share the same interests and are aligned in their values and heartfelt desire to be good people – caring about God, each other and their community,
Because of letting go of False Value and choosing the truth of her Soul as the REAL and Only Value, Leslie’s true life and love unfolded.
Number 3 – Your Soul Knows No Limits
The third ageless truth is as humans we believe there are limits, lack and “reasons why things can’t happen” … our Soul, however, is only dealing in energetic realities – “you get what you are Being” regardless of the conditions (including age).
Lucy had been an entertainer and artist nearly all her life. She had lived without limits, loud and proud, always the eternal optimist, until one day she woke up in her 80’s and hit a brick wall.
Her money was gone, the last parasitical narcissistic friend had bled her dry.
She looked in the mirror feeling that her previously glamorous image was now old and worn.
Lucy felt alone, desperately alone. She had loved all the wrong men, and now was terrified of dying alone, after never being truly loved.
“I’ve got nothing to offer anymore” she said. “All the good ones are gone. Who would want me anyway?” Lucy had been following my work for some time, and she had told herself previously, “It’s going to take me too long to heal. I don’t have time left to heal” so she carried on living, yet things were getting worse. Narcissists were still all around her and the pain inside her of loneliness and lack of true love was a crippling despair.
When Lucy started healing with NARP, she immediately started shifting out the horrible traumas of, “I’ve lost my looks, money, appeal and who would want me.” And, “People use me for my energy, love and money” as well as, “Real and good people (and men) don’t exist.”
As well as the previously mentioned biggie, “I don’t want to die alone.”
As Lucy shifted and shifted out her traumas, and filled with The Light of Source, she started to embody the knowingness of “everything is in perfect order as it is now.”
Her pain and fear melted away. For the first time in her life, she felt inner peace.
The Higher Self Truth is just Love – it is unconditional. It is our Highest and Best potential and probabilities, regardless of age, circumstances, or any other conditions.
Lucy’s fears and limiting beliefs melted away. She was offered a wonderful performing contract. She was getting better and doing better; she no longer gave herself and money away to superficial people to try to be loved.
Lucy is now loving and respecting herself, she let go of the narcissists and started meeting much higher vibrational people. Her joy for life returned in an aware, conscious way with her new circle of friends. Within this friendship circle she met a widower, a quiet, articulate, kind man who was nothing like her normal type.
Her outgoingness complimented his reserved manner. He adored her spunk, and she loved his measure. A beautiful relationship formed; she had found true love.
This Soul Mate union happened because Lucy mated her own Soul first. Lucy’s personality was 85 years of age at the time, and her Soul was and always will be ageless.
Thank goodness she released the limitations of her personality, and let her Soul, the real her, take charge.
In Conclusion
As the Soul you are, in this human encasement, your True Self and Life are waiting patiently for you to get your traumas out of the way.
I hope this article today has granted you a deeper understanding of how true this is and given you real hope.
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