I
have always loved losing myself in stories. For one thing, it was an easy
escape hatch to get caught up in another world, to be fully immersed in a
fantastic story or a new realm. For another, I could control what I wanted, but
also banish what I did not want: to be alone, to feel unloved, to be gay. Good
stories have a clear beginning, middle and end. I wanted my life to be a
concise, linear story. I saw my brother’s death before I was born as the
beginning of my story and finding someone like him to take care of me as the
end.
I
have been in recovery for four years and it has now truly begun to sink past my
thinking-brain to my knowing-heart that although my life may be a story, it was
not written by me. With healthy trust in God, I am now able to accept and love
myself as I am while still remaining accountable for my actions, and to set my
intention on that which I do want.
Now,
with grace and ease, I am able to take life as it is, and also as it can be –
better than I ever dreamed before. Maybe I won’t live Happily Ever After, but I
will live happily ever after.
-Alec
B. 1/8/22
No comments:
Post a Comment