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We all have issues, as well as undesirable qualities or traits that we don’t
like about ourselves. Most of us realize that we are not perfect and that it
is natural to have unpleasant thoughts, motivations, desires, or feelings.
However, when a person does not acknowledge these, they may ascribe those
characteristics to someone else, deeming other people instead as angry,
jealous, or insecure. In psychological terms, such blaming and fault finding
is called projection.
When we are the target of projections, it can be confusing and frustrating,
not to mention maddening, particularly when we know that we are not the cause
of another person’s distress. Even people who are well aware of their issues
may find that sensitive subjects can bring up unexpected projections. They
may feel insecure about a lack of funds and thus view a friend as
extravagant. Or, if they really want to get in shape, they may preach the
benefits of exercise to anyone and everyone.
While we can try to avoid people we know who engage in projecting their
“stuff” onto others, we can’t always steer clear of such encounters. We can,
however, deflect some projections through mindfulness and meditation. A
useful visualization tool is to imagine wrapping ourselves in a protective
light every day. At other times, we may have to put up a protective shield
when we feel a projection coming our way, reminding ourselves that someone else’s
issues are not ours. Although it’s difficult not to react when we are the
recipient of a projection, it is a good idea to try to remain calm and let
the other person know if they are being unreasonable and disrespectful. We
all know that it’s not fun to be dumped on. Likewise, we should be mindful
that we don’t take our own frustrations out on others. When we take ownership
of our thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings, we are less likely to
project our issues or disowned qualities onto others.
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