Me, a Writer?
I
have difficulty with writing. When I began my journey in CoDA six years ago, I
couldn't even imagine writing in a journal or answering the workbook questions.
The idea that I might eventually submit something for the Fellowship to read
was unfathomable. Part of my problem was believing I had nothing of value to
add; I didn't even think my words were worthy of being put in ink on a page.
The other challenges revolve around the more practical aspects of composition.
I
found my voice by sharing in meetings. When I stayed for fellowship and allowed
others to give me positive feedback about how something I had said was touching
or insightful, I began to become open to the idea that what I had to say might
be important.
I
started to discover my personal power by taking on service positions. Through
the group conscience process I got practice in expressing myself clearly. I
also learned how to accept a group decision with gratitude and grace. Now I
have a sense of self-worth as well as humility; my voice matters but it's not
the only voice that matters. I am neurologically atypical, which means my brain
and nervous system are different from the norm (sometimes a little, sometimes a
lot). And that affects my perceptions, feelings, thoughts, and actions. That
includes stringing words together so that what makes sense inside my head also
makes sense to people outside of it. My stories tend to meander. It takes hours
to create the first draft and days to revise, edit and organize it so that
there is a beginning, a middle and an end.
Composing
a cohesive story or article can be difficult. The words sometimes flow easily.
At other times I am at a complete loss. Most often, my mind jumps from one
topic to another and occasionally gets caught in a loop. It’s easy to feel
discouraged, but I have gotten so much out of CoDA that it’s worth some effort
to share it (Step 12). And, in the process, I continue to gain insights about
myself while practicing patience and acceptance. Because of my dedication to
working the Steps, applying the principles and being of service, I have been
experiencing the Twelve Promises coming true in my life in unexpected ways.
Daring to write and submit anything for publication to the Fellowship is only
one, but a very clear example that I can point to. Day by day, I come to know
new freedoms, see myself in different lights and become familiar with my
capabilities. I cannot imagine being where I am today without the CoDA program
and the loving presence of our Fellowship.
I am deeply grateful.
Caryn T. 05/30/2022
No comments:
Post a Comment