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Recently, a friend and I were having a major conversation about dreams versus reality.
She is much younger than me, still starry-eyed and fancy-free, and is at that stage where she believes that everything she hopes and yearns for will happen.
Good for her! I hope she never ever loses that hope for her future and the ambition to fulfill those hopes.
But I’m at a different stage in my life.
I’m older. I’ve lived. I’ve experienced things. I’ve seen the highest of highs and lowest of lows. I’ve dreamt of having the perfect job and realized there’s no such thing. Same with the perfect house.
My dreams for my life and my future may still be somewhat the same but how I deal when those dreams don’t come true has changed.
The truth is that not all of our dreams and visions for our lives pan out. Also, our dreams and visions change with time. My idea of a perfect house even a decade ago is an ocean’s difference to what it is today.
So, how do we deal with this gap between what we want and what we get? That question got me thinking about the five stages I went through to get here.
The Starry-Eyed Youth
Back in my younger days, I was all in. Without going into the minutiae of exactly what my dreams for the future were, suffice to say the world seemed like a giant canvas waiting for me to paint it with my hopes and ambitions.
Honestly, there was a time when you could’ve convinced me that with enough grit, I could single-handedly bring world peace while becoming a billionaire overnight! Because youth is this intoxicating mix of energy and naivety that makes you feel invincible. You feel like you could literally grab the stars from the sky. It’s a feeling of limitless possibilities, where the word “impossible” doesn’t seem to exist in our vocabulary.
But, as I would soon find out, life isn’t quite the straightforward ascent I imagined it to be. Because…
Reality Bites
The highs—whether real or imagined—always come with the lows. Just when you think you’ve got the blueprint to your dreams all figured out, life splashes you with its brand of cold reality. And guess what: reality bites! The dream job stops being a dream. The perfect partner turns out to be a nightmare in disguise. The realization that you may not be as smart or as talented or as savvy as you thought begins to make its foray into your system.
I was no different.
These moments forced me to pause and reevaluate everything. As the years went by, I started to realize that perhaps there’s more to life than relentlessly chasing what I don’t have or may never have. This was a sobering phase, teaching me the limits of control and the unpredictability of life, which then led me to…
Growing Wiser (Not Just Older)
With each passing year, I’ve come to appreciate the perks of growing wiser. It’s not just about accumulating years; it’s about accumulating experiences that teach you what truly matters. Like good friends, the ones who will pick up when you call at 2 a.m. And the realization that you don’t need 20 close friends—just two good ones are enough.
Or that you don’t need a Mercedes to feel fulfilled when the truth is that you hate driving. Or that a mansion in Beverly Hills is actually a nightmare for someone who is petrified of every sound in the house when you’re alone and a small apartment is more your speed.
The wisdom of years spent traveling around the world teaches you to be smart and selective with your dreams and energies. You learn how to focus more on what can be realistically achieved and less on fleeting desires.
This phase taught me to pick my battles wisely and invest in what truly enriches my life. I learned how to be strategic with my resources and make peace with the notion that some things, no matter how much we want them, just aren’t meant to be. This phase also taught me the biggest lesson in my life and that was…
Finding Gratitude in the Little Things
Honestly, if I were to pinpoint a real game-changer, it would be the day I started practicing gratitude. Moving my focus from moaning and groaning about what’s missing in my life to truly and genuinely appreciating what is present has transformed my everyday life.
This shift isn’t about not being ambitious or settling for less. I am still ambitious but along with that, life is now about getting real and finding joy in the seemingly mundane aspects of life. After my big tragedy in 2020, I learned the value of recognizing the good in what I already have, rather than lamenting what’s absent. This has opened up a more sustainable path to happiness.
Feeling a sense of gratitude has taught me to embrace life’s imperfections and appreciate the journey, not just the destination. And this has led me to…
Living the Full Spectrum
Here’s where I stand today: I’ve learned to accept that life is inherently a mixed bag, filled with ups and downs, and that’s perfectly okay. This journey of acceptance and understanding has allowed me to embrace every facet of life—the victories, the setbacks, and everything in between. It’s a fuller, more nuanced embrace of life’s complexities. Recognizing that I won’t get everything I desire has paradoxically given me a greater sense of freedom and contentment.
And you know what?
Embracing this spectrum has indeed made all the difference.
Just like my young friend, I too had dreams that colored my view of the world. While not all of those dreams came true, the journey through these five stages has enriched my understanding and satisfaction with life.
I wish her the same depth of insight and fulfillment as she navigates her own path—hopeful yet grounded, dreamy yet discerning.
Now it’s your turn. Take a moment to reflect on where you are in your journey. Are you in the throes of starry-eyed ambitions or have you moved into the phases of reality checks and wisdom?
Wherever you find yourself, I encourage you to embrace it fully. Learn from each stage, seek out the hidden lessons, and most importantly, cultivate gratitude.
Where are you in your life journey today? Let me know in the comments below!
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