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*Editor’s Note: This article is part of a series. You can read the introduction here and part I here.
If you’re in a relationship and reading this, then you know how misunderstandings can negatively impact relationships.
Even when our partner is clear or well-intentioned, we might misinterpret their actions and words and twist them into something that isn’t real. Because that’s what the mind does; it creates false scenarios based on subconscious experiences and past traumas.
So no matter what we do to avoid the battlefield of misinterpretations, in the end we will find ourselves fighting for what we think is true. When it comes to snooping, however, there is no “true.” Unless the evidence is substantial and in-your-face, the misunderstandings that stem from snooping are dangerous…it’s the second reason why I would never check my husband’s phone.
Face-to-face conversations are already loaded with distortions and faulty cues; what about the online world? What we see on a screen has no body language, no facial expression, and is non-verbal and utterly emotionless. The only thing that is alive and thriving is our own perception of it. The likes and comments that sometimes confuse or upset us lack substantiality. So we will never know the real motive behind them. Even text messages that look “fishy” might be the total opposite.
Having said that, when we decide to snoop on our partner’s phone, we instantly set ourselves up for disappointment. Whether we find something real or not, what we might find will hurt us. Be it a dirty text or an innocent hello, it will hurt. Because it’s not about the content; it’s about expectations. We constantly create specific stories in our minds about our partner and foolishly expect them to fulfil them—regardless of how false they are.
That’s why snooping will almost always hurt us. The mental image of our “perfect” partner will vanish the moment we unlock their phone. What happens next is disastrous. Instead of blaming them, we blame ourselves and our stupid ideals. So before you snoop, ask yourself, “Am I ready to see my partner falling off the pedestal?”
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author: Elyane Youssef
Image: cottonbro studio/Pexels
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