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Parenting asks us to rise to some of
the most difficult challenges this world has to offer, and one of its
greatest paradoxes arises around the issue of attachment. On the one
hand, successful parenting requires that we love our children, and most
of us love in a very attached way. On the other hand, it also requires
that we let go of our children at the appropriate times, which means we
must practice some level of nonattachment. Many parents find this
difficult because we love our children fiercely, and this can cause us to
overstep our bounds with them as their independence grows. Yet truly
loving them requires that we set them free.
Attachment to outcome is perhaps the
greatest obstacle on the parenting path, and the one that teaches us the
most about the importance of practicing non-attachment. We commonly
perceive our children to be extensions of ourselves, imagining that we
know what’s best for them, but our children are people in their own right
with their own paths to follow in this world. They may be called to move
in directions we fear, don’t respect, or don’t understand, yet we must
let them go. This letting go happens gradually throughout our lives with
our children until we finally honor them as fully grown adults who no
longer require our guidance. At this point, it is important that we treat
them as peers who may or may not seek our input into their lives. This
allows them, and us, to fully realize the greatest gift parents can offer
their offspring — independence.
Letting go in any area of life requires
a deep trust in the universe, in the overall meaning and purpose of
existence. Remembering that there is more to us and our children than
meets the eye can help us practice non-attachment, even when we feel
overwhelmed by concern and the desire to interfere. We are all souls
making our way in the world and making our way, ultimately, back to the
same source. This can be our mantra as we let our children go in peace
and confidence.
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