If I am going to do this, I must go all the way
I have
buried trauma from a very young age, and around 30 more years after that. I
learned very early how to conceal and block anything my heart and mind couldn’t
handle.
A
couple of years back, it erupted like an active volcano, destroying most
everything I held sacred. My spirit shriveled up and died like a worm that
didn’t make it back into the dirt before the sun’s full rise. I was in an
alternate reality, which I had created myself. Nobody was getting in, and I
wasn’t going out. I used my dogs as a reason to avoid get-togethers and parties
or trips. I have been in recovery for nearly two years, and CoDA is helping me
to face myself and feel everything so I can move past It and heal. I think I
need to go back and revisit and re-examine the trauma through CoDA lenses. I
get a different perspective by doing this and can make sense of it, so I can
release it into the wind and move forward to a brighter, more productive future.
A
therapy used for PTSD has been an ongoing thing for me, and memories resurface.
It’s hard for me to find a therapist to help me work through my dark memories,
but I have to do it. If I am to embark on this journey of self-healing and
discovery, I will need a therapist who can go all the way with me, not one who
ushers me out or ignores my need to go back. If I can’t commit to that, then I
better not even start in the first place.
So
I ask my higher power to help guide me out of the potentially dank submission
of what others want me to do to be accepted. If I am going to do this, I must
go all the way, or why bother even start?
Thanks
for reading my story
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