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Whenever we make the effort to free ourselves of an addiction or
a habit we no longer need, we are often surprised to find ourselves missing
the old pattern as we would a familiar friend. This sounds counterintuitive,
because we think we should instinctively gravitate toward that which is good
for us. And yet, it makes a lot of sense when you consider that we humans are
creatures of habit. This is why we gravitate to people and places -- and patterns
of behavior -- that make us feel comfortable. Therefore, many of the habits
we form are not conscious and are based instead on learned behavior from role
models who were not always making the healthiest decisions.
Most addictions begin as a way of avoiding feelings that are extremely
uncomfortable, so it makes sense that stopping the addiction means, for a
time, a fair amount of discomfort. The same, of course, is true of habits
that we have developed over time that we are ready to release. Just knowing
that this is hard, and having compassion for ourselves as we work through
this process, can help us to stay the course when we feel the urge to
backtrack. It's also helpful to remember that in time we will establish new,
healthier patterns, and the yearning for the old ones will disappear.
Eventually, we will instinctively reach for things that are good for us, and
the longing for positive change may form the basis of a new habit.
The only way to get to this new place is to endure a time of difficulty,
which is a challenge we can confidently handle, if we remember that it will
lead to the change we seek in our lives. Our bodies, hearts, and minds always
need time to adjust to a new way of doing things, but they will adapt, and
even become our allies, if we remain true to our vision of a new way.
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